It's That Easy
Update- no need to see the movie. There I am, right behind Josh Duhamel (skip towards the middle):
A day by day and often hourly account of a temp
Update- no need to see the movie. There I am, right behind Josh Duhamel (skip towards the middle):
A few years ago I did some SAG background work on a movie that just came out called When In Rome. I detest background work because all the extras really think they're actors and not just glorified scenery, but I digress. The pay is fantastic, and at the time, I really needed a quick $500 to pay for my Equity card. So I swallowed my pride and spend two 18 hour days on a set for this "restaurant scene".
OH MY GOD the most excellent thing is about to happen. I got a call from CNBC asking for my male boss, to appear on a show about Hedge Funds with Hugh Downs as the moderator. Something in the milk wasn't clean about that because my female boss actually works for CNBC, and this woman did not know that.
Sorry to be a bad poster this week it's been real busy around here. But you'll be happy to know I signed up for a 2 week boot camp at 6:30 am Mondays, Wednesday's and Fridays so I'm going to hate the world a lot real soon.
It's really f@#king sad and weird that this IT salesman keeps calling me to set up an introductory meeting. I was reall nice to him the first 50 times he called, and it finally got to the point where I recognized his name on caller ID and pretend I wasn't here.
So Massachusetts recently elected a guy by the name of Scott Brown. During his acceptance speech, as you may have heard, he actually told the crowd that his teenage daughters were available. Yes. He was also Cosmo's centerfold winner when he was younger. Well my friends and I got together and made a little eHarmony parody about him.
I did not expect to start my Monday morning with a text from a friend asking if I could google if she could go into a jacuzzi with a yeast infection. Why she is a. not near a computer b. going into a jacuzzi and c. wants me to know she has a yeast infection is beyond me. The answer is yes. You can go into a jacuzzi with a yeast infection. But you could technically infect others.
I don't know about you, but this is quickly becoming my favoritest show ever you guys!!!
If you read anything today (besides my blog) please read this post from my friend Molly who had the most absolute worst experience at the doctor.
Are you guys watching American Idol? Well, if you're like me, and I know I am, you are.
I wish this was a joke, but it isn't.
So I pick the kids up, after making the highly inappropriate, "But I'm not allowed within 20 feet of a school" joke.
Ho boy today is gonna be awesome. Due to the fact that a nanny was accidentally fired and my boss's are temporarily screwed for child care, I get to pick them up at school this afternoon (it's a half day on Friday's). And by by pick them up, I mean get in a car service, get driven to their school in the Bronx, pile in some kids in the car, drop them off at home and then get driven back to work. So basically I'm a chauffeur who can't drive. iPhone... charged.
Hey you guys, Gmail has all these new features they want me to know about! Here they are straight from the site: my comments will be in bold after the description.
What has two thumbs, astigmatism and needs glasses? This gal! Yes, after years of squinting at signs here and there it's been confirmed... it's officially time for me to be a hot librarian. My prescription isn't that strong at all and I'll only need them on choice occasions, like when I'm driving (I never do) or whacking the bag at archery (again, doesn't happen), but now I get to join the exclusive club of "What will happen when she takes that ponytail down and those classes off?" Heaven, that's what. Looks like your books are overdue. Reowr.
My friend is INSANE and he swam in freezing cold water recently.
Everyone relax. Hold the phone. Now you too can finally get some use out of that BeDazzler. It's what Jennifer Love Hewitt calls VaGazzle. I am not making this up and I wish I could. Sadly, Fun Betty will have to slink back into the Duane Reade shelf from whence she came; there's a new bitch in town.
Recently on ABC's The Bachelor, a woman was thrown off the show because she had relations with a crew member. So f@#king what? I don't get it- this guy gets to date 25 women and when he's off with one (or three on those elusive "group dates"), he expects the other women to just sit around? Heck no. These ladies got stuff to do and by "to do" I mean "not sit around".
Wow you guys, I had a totally cheesy moment yesterday. I had just made a huge meal for a group of friends. Sunday I cooked the main course all day and yesterday when I got back from work I made two awesome side dishes, packed everything up and went to my friends' house where we had a great time. But by the end of dinner I was exhausted! As I got home I thought, wow, it's a lot of work cooking for a large group. But then I got totally Pollyanna you guys- I thought how lucky I am to have so many friends to cook for. And not so many friends, so many awesome friends.
Hahhahah I'm funny- my boss's agent is also Conan O'Brien's agent and we all know he's been busy. He just called the office to talk to her and I told my boss, "It's your agent. He wants to know if you're free at 12:05 am on weekdays".
So this morning my boss had me go to Bloomingdales to exchange some pants at a brand she remembered as being called "People's Republic of China". Well it turns out the brand is called "Free People" but it wasn't embarrassing at all to ask for the People's Republic of China to the fragrance girl on the second floor. On a positive note, since I got a $100 Bloomie's gift card from the girl whose dog I watched over the holidays, I bought myself a fancy new wallet and some hosiery. Because that's what I need- a place to put the money I will spend.
Ohnoohnoohnoohno this woman almost became out Vice President. One of Sarah Palin's debate preppers is speaking out abort how painfully unprepared Palin was. Even going so far as to reveal that the reason she was told to say, "Can I call you Joe", is because she kept referring to Joe Biden as O'Biden. Which, during the debate, she actually did. Oh boy.
I can't get enough of this Mariah Carey insanity. You'd think someone would tell her to ease up on the ganja but no. Here's a clip of her straight from a Phish concert on her way to the People's Choice Awards.
If you do one thing today, you may want to watch this. Or not, it's up to you. Ladies and gentlemen, a walrus at the aquarium, auto-fellating:
Since my dog isn't doing anything right now, enjoy this clip of the greatest Wheel Of Fortune contestant this week.
Everyone relax, JesseCam is back:
I spoke to three different customer reps at Time Warner Cable via online chat yesterday. It was great- I didn't have to hold at all and I got clear answers. I spoke to Günther, Luis S. and David and they were all super helpful albeit clearly not from this country. Luis S. was the best. He had the manual down pat- every time I did something he told me to do he said, "Great!" Even when I said, "The cable box didn't reboot and the time is wrong" he went, "Great!", then, "I am so very sorry to hear that!"
You guys I hope you are sitting down and checking your watches to note this as a moment you will never forget.
The following is an ACTUAL TRANSCRIPT of the conversation I just had with my cable company. Again, the only thing that has been changed is my name.
Gunter: Thank you for contacting Time Warner Cable. We are currently testing our live chat function and appreciate your patience. At the end of our chat you will be given the option of taking a brief survey. My name is Günther. Please give me a moment while I access your account.
Tempy: Hello Gunter
Tempy: u get my account?
Tempy: [account number]
Gunter: I understand that you have some problems with your box.
Tempy: yes, I do.
Gunter: Thank you.
Tempy: I think it's old
Tempy: When I reset it, it didn't go to the correct time, it went to 12:00
Gunter: I see, well I will be more than glad to assist you with your issue.
Tempy: I paid my bill
Tempy: I didn't get an error message saying my bill was late
Tempy: it just went to the local NBC station
Tempy: wouldn't let me get any other stations
Tempy: or get on my DVR list...
Gunter: I am going to send a signal to your box and try to fix this issue.
Tempy: ok thx
Tempy: do I need a new box?
Gunter: The only thing I need you to do is to turn on your box and your TV please.
Tempy: I was going to switch to HD anyway
Tempy: I'm not home. I can't check it
Gunter: Well you can replace it for a new HD one without cost if you want.
Tempy: I just want to make sure it's not an issue with having an old box
Tempy: Any way you can check?
Tempy: Great. How can I do that?
Gunter: Sure I can still send you the signal and when you get home you can check if the problem was solved.
Tempy: also, if I get an HD box but I don't have an HD TV yet (I will later this week) will it still work on my old tv?
Gunter: Yes your HD box will work with your old TV with our problems.
Gunter: The only this you have to do is to please go to the store with you box and your remote and replace it for an HD one.
Tempy: Will I still save all my old shows and movies I had on DVR???
Gunter: Also you have to tell to the representative that you will connect the box to a normal TV.
Tempy: Can I save the movies I saved on DVR?
Gunter: Well if you want to save your show and movies you have to replace it for a HDDVR.
Tempy: I know, but can I transfer the movies I already saved?
Tempy: on my old box
Gunter: Well I think that is no possible, I am so sorry for that.
Tempy: Oh dear.
Tempy: It's just that "What A Girl Wants" is one of my faves
Tempy: You know how that goes
Tempy: OK Günther, thank you
Tempy: I will check the signal you sent to my box when I get home
Gunter: Ok that fine, I am so sorry that you can transfer your show.
Gunter: Your are more than welcome.
Tempy: It's a movie- you should check it out
Tempy: Amanda Bynes finds her long lost father
Tempy: thank you for your help
Gunter: Ok sorry for the mistake.
Gunter: Have a nice day!
Gunter: Again, my name is Günther. Thank you for chatting with Time Warner Cable. We value you as a customer and we are here to assist you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. If you would like to take brief survey please click on end session and the survey will load. Have a great day!
Gunter: Analyst has closed chat and left the room
It's a little busy here this morning but I will say this- run, don't walk to see Adventureland. It's on DVD and it's hysterical.
Ladies and gentlemen, notice that the misspelled bad word is actually written on a sheet to cover up a previously misspelled bad word, assumed to be the same bad word, but misspelled differently.
Well this weekend was a tizzy of activity although I did catch a stomach virus from someone and ended up ill on New Year's Day, but it's ok, I managed to have some fun.