A day by day and often hourly account of a temp

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Why, I Dare Say Governor!

This is Mr. Bumble, the overweight skunk. His previous owners in the UK used to keep him on a steady diet of bacon and butter sandwiches (that is true). They recently gave him up to an animal sanctuary where he is now on a vegetarian regimen so he can lose the weight. He will never, however, lose that stupid name. This story couldn't be more British if it was about a fictional weasel named Mr. Dippers who solved crimes and loved scotch, had bad teeth and watched footie.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Hit It

Wet Something

You stay classy, Carroll Gardens.

No You're A...

Perhaps they should rename this bag:

Monday, September 28, 2009

Art 'N Stuff

I'm going to a fancy cocktail reception for some big National Geographic art show this week because the really connected lady at our office managed to get us invites. Problem is, the only ones who answered with a resounding yes are the office screw-ups, who are going not to admire the art, but because there's free booze. It should be an interesting night.

Spider Attack

Aaaaaaah! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! This is video of a spider walking all around the Pope while he's doing a speech recently. I mean, it just walks all around him! I could not stop watching and I don't think you should either.

Raining Dogs

I should probably tell you what happened to me yesterday since it was one of the strangest days I have had in a while.

To begin- this weekend these two guys came to the building to fix the roof. Apparently there is a huge puddle of dank water that is slowly getting heavier and heavier. I don't live on the top floor so I'm in the clear. Regardless, it was time to do something, and so these very highly qualified and confident looking (sarcasm alert) individuals got there Friday morning, and brought with them wooden panels, tar and double sided sticky tape.

Sunday rolls around and mind you, I have never had a problem with leaks, but wouldn't you know it- there was a waterfall in my apartment. Oh, nothing of actual monetary value was ruined, just an autograph to me from Oasis's Liam Gallagher I got when I met him a few years ago, some art, you know- stuff that can't be replaced. So it's raining outside and in my apartment but I have to walk my dog so I pat my pocket to make sure I have my keys and head out in the rain.

Turns out the keys in my pocket were not the keys to my apartment, rather the place I was the night before, which does me no good. I'm locked out.

My upstairs neighbors with my keys weren't home so I had to break into my apartment AGAIN from the fire escape while the dog was tied up in the hallway. Mind you, it's raining. So anyway, I make it back inside, clean up the mess from the flood and relax. I already had to cancel one thing because of this but I had theater tickets for 7:00 and I couldn't miss that. So I take my dog out for one more walk before I go and I pass my neighborhood bar and I see about 5 hip kids sitting outside, each with those stupid invisible dog leashes you get at amusement parks. You know the ones- they're like, "Hi, it looks like I'm walking a dog BUT I'M NOT!!!". So I can't help myself, Jesse and I make our acquaintance, ha ha, joke joke. "You're dog's so cute!" "But yours is so ratty looking!" Hahhahah.

We continue walking until I see a few more people with these fake dogs. Then more. And more. I realize, Oh, I get it, it must be a prank from those cats at Improv Everywhere- they do things like the "Pantsless Subway Ride" and "Frozen in Grand Central". Yes, they gathered 2,000 people in our neighborhood for a huge practical joke.

On our way back the people at the bar wanted to take pictures of my dog with the fake dogs so the next thing you know we got involved in an impromptu photo session. Here is the result. I didn't have my iPhone on me so I had someone email me this photo. I got it last night. And well, I was mortified.

My dog has the beginnings of a massive erection.

I mean, seriously. Can't he keep it in for once? Those dogs aren't even real.

So, I guess, high on attention and love, my dog got excited. It was a fun day minus the flood, rain and my dog's display of public indecency. The show was good- it was all about Iraqi refugees so it was a real spirit raiser. Speaking of spirit raising, have you met my dog?

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Wow This Is Nuts

Wow. Thank you Princess Megatron for this:

Dads in Short Shorts

Bunnies Kitties

Thanks, Michael K of Dlisted. I needed this. After a whole week of unsettling news including the death of my friend's father, culminating with Mackenzie Phillips' shocking confession that I could have done without, this will wash the shame from your eyes. Remind me to tell you about how a co-worker comforted me this morning about how she gets through tough times, which is funny, because when I go through tough times I think: at least I don't have her problems.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009


Man, I love jellybeans, but only when they're like, 5 flavor proper. This Jelly Belly 40 flavor business is cramping my style. Every time I eat a handful I get the flavors of several of grocery aisles all at once in my mouth. Like, sour apple, mushroom and coffee or cinnamon, paper towels and soup.

As Long As We've Got Each Other

Cue the circus music. Kirk Cameron has officially lost whatever semblance of sanity any child actor out there has left. I'll spare you the 6 minutes if you don't want to watch this and translate:

Apparently Mike Seaver thinks that Darwin was a racist, sexist Hitler incarnate, and too many educated people are atheist and it's terrible that not everyone wants to be controlled by a spiteful and angry lord. So he's hawking a book about it.

Personally I think it's more of a sin that Richard Milhous "Boner" Stabone wasn't in this but that's just me.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Baby Cat

This cat might just be really dumb:


And now, the very accurate and very real Tempy Horoscopes:

Aries Mar. 21–Apr. 19
: It's such a shame that you wasted such a beautiful weekend when you could have been doing something else that would have paid off more for you, both financially and spiritually. Maybe this was the weekend that you'd meet your soulmate or get that dream job? No. I guess that Megan Fox movie was much more important. Enjoy your massive failures.

Taurus Apr. 20–May 20: You have the incredible ability to see the future of yourself and only you. No need to keep looking through your neighbor's window.

Gemini May 21–June 21: Whatever you do, don't turn around.

Cancer June 22–July 22: It's called Fall for a reason.

Leo July 23–Aug. 22: If you've ever doubted yourself, now would be a good time to do it. But only for a bit, until the food coma clears.

Virgo Aug. 23–Sept. 22: You are more powerful than you realize and you are also better than most people. It's not a secret, especially if you keep telling everyone that.

Libra Sept. 23–Oct. 23: All of those things you did are about to pay off, yet unlike your uninhibited drug experimentation in college, pay off in a good way.

Scorpio Oct. 24–Nov. 21: You are about to make a huge life change that will clearly be a mistake and much like most things, you won't realize it until it is too late. But on a good note, you have nice hair.

Sagittarius Nov. 22–Dec. 21: Mmmmm you like toast.

Capricorn Dec. 22–Jan. 19: It's that time of year when new things abound and you should hold onto them tight so that they don't bound away!

Aquarius Jan. 20–Feb. 18: Pisces is a tough act to open for, isn't it.

Pisces Feb. 19–Mar. 20: Hello, beautiful. Hey, I hate to see you leave but I love watching you go. Come up and see me sometime. Remember, it's not a cliche if it's the truth. A fool and his money are soon reunited and then he gives you the money. Don't bite the hand that feeds a gifthorse in the mouth.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Climate Changing

The friend who went skydiving this weekend is from Alaska and the last time she was there, she took a picture of this area that was this huge ice glacier. Two years later, due to climate change, it was gone. She thought it was interesting and posted the two different pics. Then she went about her days, not really thinking anything of it until all these people commented on it who were really, really sad. I mean don't get me wrong- it is sad, but she didn't realize she would illicit such a response. Can you guess my favorite one below? We spent the better part of this weekend laughing at these. I know, we're cruel. And climate change is a really big deal. Anyway...

A while ago on my Facebook page I posted this: Awkward moments in Facebook "likes". It's pretty funny and reminds me a little bit of these responses.

All Aboard

This weekend we went upstate because a friend of mine got skydiving tickets for her birthday. You can actually see the look of massive second thoughts in her face right as she jumps. She's the third to go in this video. No, I stayed soundly on the ground, thank you.

Afterwards, we spent the rest of the weekend at my friend's country house, this beautiful log cabin by the lake. We cooked an ungodly amount of incredible fresh farm food, sat around, read and played games by the fire. On Sunday we took the canoe out to this little dock and hung out and swam. Look at this amazing picture a friend took of my dog.

Oh, and I won my first ever game of Apples to Apples. I'll admit, it was actually really freaking exciting.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Ugh Gross Alert

My co-worker told me a story yesterday about a female friend who was very disturbed when a male friend of hers expressed really strong feelings for her the other night, even though she has a boyfriend. He spoke about his "love" even though the feelings were clearly not mutual. Oh, and he was drunk too at the time of the confession, so who knows if it was a game time decision, or like, a long time thought.

What do you do when that happens? What if it's "true love" and he's just taking a chance? My theory: people who disregard feelings for anyone but themselves are generally thoughtless assholes. I mean, really. Romantic comedies aside, there are just some things that aren't okay. I realize I may sound old fashioned but I told her there is still a place as evolved humans where basic respect is important.

Quick story- when I was bartending, I met quite a few letharios and to be honest, bar regulars are very incestuous. I know a guy who, no joke, actually had sex with almost every female regular and some bartenders there. I say almost because he couldn't have me (I have some taste). Oh, he tried. When I was having problems with my now ex-boyfriend (who is still a great friend and I have a lot of love and respect for), he actually put the sad, predictable moves on me: "I know this may sound wrong, but I've always had feelings for you..." Blah blah barf. I like to think of that laziness as the equivalent of picking up table scraps. And Bros before Hos - isn't that the way its supposed to be? Not cool.

Most people really aren't like that guy. Yeah, yeah- we've all seen Mad Men, and know that this does happen. Some women fall for it and chances are the same guy has done it before but in reality, the fact that it is commonplace for some does not make it acceptable. I have to say, I'm glad the women I surround myself with would never go there in the reverse situation. And that's what we call Hos before Bros. And that is also the name of my new imaginary band.

I'm Awake

You know, there's a reason the King of Pop was down with the PPF (that's Propofol, for those of you not in the endoscopy club). About an hour ago I was given this injection and I sacked out immedaitely. I woke up after 20 minutes and 10 minutes after that I was like, ok, I want coffee. I'm still woooozy but the results are ok thus far- some inflammation, he did a biopsy, but otherwise I'm okay for now.

And you should have seen this post before I spell checked it.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Drugged Up

OK guys, this is really important- tomorrow is endoscopy day so I won't be in until 12:00. And I promise you when I do, still in a propofol haze, I will write whatever comes to my mind for my first post. Deal? Oh, this is gonna be fun.

Very Important

Ohnoohnoohno this is awful.

For those of you traveling anytime soon, you may want to watch this. It's a video about how to pack.

Watch the look on the poor unsuspecting woman's face when the Janet Reno lady tells her she can't bring her nailpolish.

Jon = D to the 2nd Degree

OK, as most of you know, I never really watched that whore-riffic show called Jon and Kate plus 8 AKA Jon minus 9 (+ skank X*2), but I am totally team Kate. The man is just showing blatant disregard for his kids by f@#king around with whatever moves but here's what really gets me:


Why? Because it's just too much responsibility, and Kate doesn't take care of them, blah blah.

You know what? My dog can totally be an asshole- I know that. And yeah, it's inconvenient to have to take them on walks, and be home, and pay people to take him if I go away, etc. But maybe this douchetastic piece never should have gotten one if he can't take care of it. That really gets me. I hear about people all the time who get a pet, don't bother training it or hanging out with it, and the second they become inconvenient, they expect someone to take it for them. It may seem harsh, but that to me shows total lack of character and selfishness beyond belief.

Bad treatment of animals = narcissistic selfish ass. And if you know someone who treats animals like that, it's only par for the course that you're next. Luckily, my friends are good, caring, responsible pet owners because they're awesome. Oh, and I'm taking Jesse to the country this weekend, because he's the man. We might even get in the canoe again.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

My Right Foot

OK, my finally-stopped-bleeding foot really hurts. I'm starting to think I fractured something. Clumsy is painful. Anyone got any propofol? Oh, that's right- I will be getting an injection of it on Friday for my endoscopy. Until then, it's all advil on this end.

Fun Kids

I had to take the bus today and I actually heard a stupid Upper East Side mom tell her stupid bratty kid, "Honey, use your words, please."

Everyone Deserves The Chance To Fly

I can't even begin to talk about how great last night was. That is a damn fine show. So I'll leave you with this video of American Idol's own Adam Lambert in the LA cast of Wicked (pre AI, BTW):

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Tummy Stuff

So check this piece out- I need to get an endoscopy on Friday and my Dr.'s gonna give me propofol to knock me out. Yeah, that's the stuff that killed that nice pop singer guy this summer, you know, whatshisname. I'm going to be as high as a kite but get this- he actually said I can go back to work after 2 hours. Look forward to some really trippy posts.

Big News

Oh my god. My Bosslady just got invited to Ivanka Trump's wedding. I already asked if I could be her date. She said no. It's ok.

Show Time

So I'm pretty freaking excited. I'm taking Patientboy to the Broadway show Wicked for his birthday (his bday was two weeks ago, but it takes a while to get house seats). WHAT?!? Did I just drop a huge piece of show-off??? Yeah, not only did I get house seats but I got them through the guy who wrote the freaking show, Mr. Stephen Schwartz. The director of my play last year is all tight with him so they came from his office proper. But really, my date is worth it.

The only problem is lately, he's been getting these gorgeous suits custom made, all Don Draper style and man, he looks fabulous. I'm no fag hag but even I want to wave my hands in a flutter and squeal, "Girl!..." every time he steps out in one of his masterpieces. It kind of makes it difficult to out-do him, and I'm the damn female, right? Well, I am wearing a pretty awesome dress today which prompted my Bosslady to say, after I told her I was seeing Wicked tonight, "Well you look wicked tonight. Ow!" Then again as we all know, my Bosslady has a huge crush on me, which I both welcome and encourage.

My sister Lawyergirl and our TotallyStraightMaleFriendWhoLovesMusicals, who we will affectionately refer to as "Marathon Man", are coming too. It's gonna be a special night.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Important Information

I just called a synagogue to check on my boss's hefty membership fee. (God don't like broke, remember?) Anyway, the rabbi wasn't in so I has to leave a message, unless it was a "rabbinical emergency". What on earth could a rabbinical emergency be? I can't even begin to speculate. I mean I can, but I won't.

Happy Monday

Well, good morning, and an extra special hello to all the teachers back at work, yet still checking my blog. The children may be the future, but you know you need to get your priorities straight and keep up with with pop culture (Kanye last night anyone?). And another special shout out to all of my Canadian friends, of whom I have at least 3. And finally a hello to my beautiful friend Amanda who got married this weekend in Minnesota (I could not be there). Here's to the happy couple!

So not a lot happened this weekend, mellow movie nights, dinners, saw some old friends, did some work on that career thing I do outside of being a personal assistant and overall awesome. But the strangest thing happened last night- I dropped this sharp, heavy piece of wood on my foot (doing my heavy wood lifting exercises), and it still hasn't stopped bleeding. It doesn't look deep at all, I cleaned it out, but the darn thing just won't stop. Should I be worried? Can you become a hemophiliac later in life?

In other, more positive news, my hair looks awesome today. Coincidence?

Friday, September 11, 2009

Doggone It

Since today is also a National Day of Service, I looked into what it would take to make my dog a certified Animal Assisted Therapy Dog. It's when you and your dog go to visit hospitals, nursing homes, classrooms, libraries and other facilities, preferably in my case places where there's no food, because my dog will rip your face off for a burger.

My goal is twofold: First, it would feel really good, and people just love my dog. He's a snuggler, is great with kids and if you can get past the bad breath, really fun to hang out with. It's a perfect match. It's only fitting that as this is also a day of remembrance of 9/11, it is also the anniversary of the first time my dog unintentionally became a therapy dog. You see, the night of the attacks, we went to this local bar that allowed dogs. The place was packed but silent. Everyone was just watching TV. My dog Jesse got bored standing around so he started to do what he does best- work the crowd. He walked right up to some girl standing there watching the screen, her face just blank. He looked up at her, rubbed his head on her leg, and slowly she melted from her trance. She bent down and began to pet him, and then get closer, until she was almost kneeling down, alternating between grasping him close and looking at the TV. That went on for almost half an hour. And my dog sat, very patient, and let her just hold him and squeeze him. It's like he knew she needed it. Plus he was getting attention. Perfect fit, eh?

Second, a little damn training refresher course might smack the asshole right out of him when it comes to food.

So I'm looking into some programs. He might be too old, fail the course and or just not be a good match. But who knows- later in the year I'd like to try it anyway. Then I saw this:

"Dogs must have knowledge of basic skills". Hmmm. Do they mean tricks or general manners?

But Seriously, Folks

Well this morning the first thing I saw on the TV was the first thing I saw on the TV 8 years ago. You see, in New York, no one ever shows the 9/11 footage of the buildings and the planes and whatnot until it's the anniversary. Then, like a 16 year old Amish teen at the start of the traditional year long freedom to explore the outside world, (otherwise known as known as rumspringa), the TV stations go hog wild. They show graphic tape, photos, documentaries and my favorite, "9/11: As It Happened" which is basically just the exact same footage from start to finish of the Today Show, which, I might add, is playing in the conference room right now. As a historical exploration, it's interesting to see how Couric and Lauer reacted to the planes: "Maybe it was an accident", "Maybe air traffic control is having problems", until it becomes apparent that the US is under attack and the fit hits the shan.

I'm mostly ambivalent to this day, mostly because, 8 years later, I still haven't quite processed it. And as we all know, this stuff happens all over the world, albeit not necessarily so grand in scale. Still, violent acts like this are devastating nonetheless, and it's not like these tragedies are in the past as they happen on an almost daily basis.

I don't have a point to this post except to say, yeah that was pretty messed up. And I detest it when people use it to politicize an agenda, or say things like "Big cities aren't the 'real America'" or whatnot. But hey, it's a free country, and I'm glad I'm here and in New York.

Oh, and I have one more 9/11 Day wish other than world peace- can we please never ever play that Ryan Adams song, "I love you New York" ever ever ever again? Thanks.

Thursday, September 10, 2009


Ow ow ow. Ok, so the reason I can't sleep is because of my stomach pain. I get bacterial ulcers sometime. I finally hit the nail on the head last night and so I made an appt. with a gastroenterologist. Until then, feel free to drop Tagamet and Pepcid on my doorstep.

Sweet Lord

Everyone's up in arms about baby baby poopie pants Joe Wilson's outburst last night at the President's speech. But did anyone know that the guy who gave the Republican rebuttal, Charles Boustany, is actually also a total major douche?

According to everyone, he tried to buy the title of "Lordship" from two British scam artists, and even paid $18,500 to do so. When he realized that it was indeed a scam, and maybe there also wasn't a star named after him as well, nor did that Nigerian Prince really have any money, he did what any failed attempt at fake royalty guy would do- he sued. Below is the document (click on for larger view).

Jumping Sheep

I've been having trouble sleeping lately. I don't know why, it could be a number of things. Regardless, at 2 am after tossing and turning, I resorted to actually counting sheep. I was interrupted by a thought when I got to #4. It occurred to me as I watch the sheep jumping, that they were using a springboard. I seriously envisioned that. And then I got distracted. Why are the sheep using a springboard? Where did they get it, and more importantly, why exactly are the sheep jumping over the fence?

I didn't get to sleep until 6:30. The alarm went off at 7. Ho boy.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009


WOW. A girl in my office just got this message from a guy on Match.com from Verona, NJ that read “hey, I’m open to a friends with benefits type of thing…”

If she or any other woman was into a "friends with benefits" kind of thing with a dude, they wouldn't need to be on Match.com- they'd just need to exist and be breathing.


It's been really hectic because the Bosslady and another co-worker's trip to Las Vegas has been moved up by one day. They're speaking to some women at a conference there about finance, women in finance and nailpolish- all that stuff chicks dig. So as part of the presentation my Bosslady decides she wants to do an interactive "horserace" between the ladies and as such she needed big horses with different stock tickers on them to wear around their necks. I know, I didn't get it at first either. Well, here they are. I must admit, they came out pretty adequate.

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

I Am T-Pain

For those of you not in the know, (like I was72 hours ago), there's a new app on the iPhone called I Am T-Pain. It's an auto tuner, so you can record your voice and sound like T-Pain, Britney Spears or Cher. It also has music you can sing along with, lyrics included. Here's my first recording with I Am T-Pain. Try not to be too jealous. It's pretty fun. And totally useless.

Who Wants To Watch My Dog?

Awww... can you spot my favorite thing about this ad I walked by today?

Friday, September 04, 2009

Pinch Me

Oh. My. God.

My favorite NY 1 anchor, Pat Kiernan, sent me a Facebook message. It was in response to a post I commented on, and in it, I asked him about the short lived but fantastic show he hosted, "World Series of Pop Culture Trivia". Read it and weep.

Life Panel

Here's why I love Minnesota. No matter how ticked off people get about something, you don't see them arriving to public gatherings with pitchforks, screaming their heads off. You could tell them you want to make cannibalism mandatory and they'll still be polite and let you speak. That being said, enter Al Franken. Now this, people, is how you have a real conversation and learn something from others. We are all human, after all. Except for those over 65 who should go before a death panel. Those people are worthless, let's face it.

Thursday, September 03, 2009

Cry and Fly

Ok, this is pretty funny. It's all about these lady's facial expressions. I'm not gonna lie, not a whole lot happens, but I couldn't stop watching.

Just Another Day

Palin4Pres2012 (2:57:01 PM): haaaaaalo

Palin4Pres2012 (2:57:04 PM): hey

Palin4Pres2012 (2:57:08 PM): that u Levi????

FkingRednek (2:57:09 PM): maybe

Palin4Pres2012 (2:57:13 PM): I know it's you

FkingRednek (2:57:15 PM): how?

FkingRednek (2:57:21 PM): maybe it's not me.

Palin4Pres2012 (2:57:22 PM): Lev, I know yr handle

FkingRednek (2:57:26 PM): ???

Palin4Pres2012 (2:57:42 PM): yr handle

Palin4Pres2012 (2:57:44 PM): the name you use to IM

Palin4Pres2012 (2:57:48 PM): those blue letters before the numbers before the text?

FkingRednek (2:58:01 PM): OH!

FkingRednek (2:58:02 PM): ok hahha ya it's me

Palin4Pres2012 (2:58:03 PM): hi

FkingRednek (2:58:04 PM): sorry about the tv interview

FkingRednek (2:58:43 PM): and the magazine spread

FkingRednek (2:58:58 PM): and Playgirl

FkingRednek (2:59:04 PM): and goin' to the Grammys with Kathy Griffin

FkingRednek (2:59:10 PM): and book

FkingRednek (2:59:14 PM): and the town hall

Palin4Pres2012 (2:59:17 PM): town hall?

Palin4Pres2012 (2:59:20 PM): ?????????

FkingRednek (2:59:23 PM): this black lady put me on a stage with TV lights and a mess of local people with concerns and they were asking me questions

Palin4Pres2012 (2:59:34 PM): you were on Oprah?????

FkingRednek (2:59:37 PM): dunno

Palin4Pres2012 (2:59:41 PM): you were on Oprah

Palin4Pres2012 (2:59:44 PM): Seriously, yr not that dumb to not remember…

Palin4Pres2012 (2:59:48 PM): oh jeez

FkingRednek (2:59:53 PM): I thot they wr gonna ask me about healthcare, and being a dad and my wicked tattoos but instead they all just wanted 2 know about my bod

Palin4Pres2012 (2:59:57 PM): sure

FkingRednek (2:59:59 PM): so I took off my shirt

FkingRednek (3:00:04 PM): oh hold on

Palin4Pres2012 (3:00:08 PM): what

FkingRednek (3:00:09 PM): baby's cryiong. Gotta get it.

Palin4Pres2012 (3:00:12 PM): Levi, the baby is here

Palin4Pres2012 (3:00:15 PM): in the house. I check up on him and the other one every 2 hours in between my important Facebook time

FkingRednek (3:00:15 PM): no, Bristol's out shopping so I told her I'd watch him

Palin4Pres2012 (3:00:17 PM): Levi, where are u?

FkingRednek (3:00:22 PM): in the kitchen

FkingRednek (3:00:25 PM): yr house. Why?

Palin4Pres2012 (3:00:29 PM): oh ok, I see you now

Palin4Pres2012 (3:00:36 PM): I'm in the study

FkingRednek (3:00:45 PM): the what?

FkingRednek (3:00:48 PM): oh ok, you turned the pantry into a study

Palin4Pres2012 (3:00:51 PM): yes, I'm waving

FkingRednek (3:01:14 PM): I see you. Hey

FkingRednek (3:01:23 PM): hahha

FkingRednek (3:01:36 PM): so weird!

Palin4Pres2012 (3:02:13 PM): Levi, yr in my house

Palin4Pres2012 (3:02:17 PM): it's not so weird that u see me. Ok take care of the baby and don't steal any Fanta this time

FkingRednek (3:02:20 PM): haha ok get back 2 "work"

Palin4Pres2012 (3:02:22 PM): twittering is a real job. It's like a community organizer but with a computer and more important

FkingRednek (3:03:20 PM): hahha ok sure me too

Palin4Pres2012 (3:03:22 PM): god help yr soul if that's a Fanta I see u drinking

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Scooter? I Barely...

Well, I'm going straight to hell. One of our co-workers who has an MS-like degenerative nerve disorder and walks with a cane, because he is slowly losing control of his legs, came in on his wheelchair scooter today because his doctor wanted him to ease up a bit. What do we all do? INTER OFFICE SCOOTER RIDES! I wasn't the first to do it, mind you, and I certainly didn't ask (I was dared*). The one girl who went first whipped it all around the office, down the hall, past my Bosslady's office where her and two other co-workers were in with her on an important conference call, sitting intently, staring at the phone. They look up and see one of our analysts whizzing by, waving. And of course they all lost it laughing, because clearly this is a very professional environment. It's good because one of my co-workers is having a really bad day.

So then it was my turn. Now, I'm a native New Yorker, ok? So I don't have a drivers license. Not only that, but I don't even know how to drive a car at all. I have a learners permit so I can get into bars, that's about it. Oh, and I do plan on learning some day. But for now, I can't drive. I can, however, drive a motor scooter like a Vespa. That, I can do. So I showed them all. I even parallel parked.

*Disclaimer: The guy with the scooter has a great sense of humor about his condition and is being treated by the world's leading doctors and is a revolutionary figure in the treatment of this rare disease and he's the one who demanded that if he has to scoot on this thing, we all had to so that's really why we all did. Plus it was fun.

No Kidding

I'm pretty sure Kid from "Kid 'n Play" did only one take for this. My favorite line?

"Sometimes you gotta get clean. Trying to take your lady out? Take your mother out? One of your homeboys got shot? You got things to do."

Better yet, I think this was just a practical joke he and his buddies did and the suit company totally was like, "We can use this as a commercial!" Oh, please say that's true. Otherwise, this is kind of weird. You know, this guy went to my high school, BTW. We have a reputation to uphold.

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