A day by day and often hourly account of a temp

Friday, August 19, 2011

Scotchy Scotch Scotch

Hello all, I know it's been a while. I just knew if I didn't check in all three of you loyal readers may start to worry about me. I've been a bit busy this week, and tonight I fly off for Scotland! I'll be there for the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, and boy am I excited.

So in the meantime, I urge you to watch this video of Anderson Cooper giggling on live TV. Trust me, it's the most amazing thing you'll see in a long time.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Comment Of The Day

Today's comment of the day is brought to you by this guy. This is his response to a post about Google becoming more harsh in their company policies, ie. no more free belly dancing lessons at lunch, and other fun perks:

First of all, he calls himself HungDaddy. And if I'm not mistaken, that's the Brawny Man in the photo. Moving on, he's admittedly "an old". I know what he's saying. He's simultaneously saying "I'm older" and "I don't proofread my comments". But there's no need to proofread his comments, because as we all soon learn, he only uses the internet anonymously to stalk people. Under an alias of a fictional character with the screen handle that insinuates he has a big cock. Awesome work, HungDaddy. I hope I never run into you in an empty Twitter feed.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Too Big To Fail

A few years ago I paid off all of my debts and started saving money. I guess that makes me un-American. Ba-dum-bum! But seriously, folks, I'm starting to feel like a chump. I see people (and corporations) getting away with spending like children with Monopoly money and then just getting bailed out. Case in point - a woman who runs a preschool my friend's daughter attends is filing for bankruptcy for the school. Why? The woman, in her 30's, is a spoiled brat who just stole all the money and is now getting drunk in Barbados with her girlfriends, and is sending emails to the parents all like, "Whoopsie!" Meanwhile her father, who is loaded, is then bailing her out.

I'm telling girls in their 20's that this is the way to go: marry rich. Just do it. Sign a pre-nup with the clause "if he cheats" as the only loophole to get all the money. Then hire a private detective. DONE.

Yeah, yeah, you can talk all you want about morals and values, but if a sweet atheist like me who doesn't break any laws and is fiscally responsible keeps getting told by conservative bible thumpers that my lifestyle is ruining America, then call me what you want. It's too late for me to marry an old geezer with money - I'm happily in a relationship with a great man (cue violins and barf gestures) - but young 20 somethings, SAVE YOURSELVES.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Graffiti, Scotland, and Magics

My neighborhood has a wonderful graffiti artist. When I say graffiti artist, I don't mean the kind that tags up their names or other various artsy depictions. I'm talking about commentary graffiti. The one in my subway station is usually pretty funny. This is what I saw today:

But on to bigger things. I'm going to Scotland in 2 weeks! I'll only be there for a short period of time, and I will be back for the birthday of a very important man who may or may not be getting the best birthday present ever (twiiiiins!), but it's going to be a blast. I'm getting a chance to see some old friends, and I'm super excited to re-visit the newly renovated Whisky Museum, which is aptly titled The Scotch Whisky Experience. When I went back in 1996, it was a very old and creaky Mr. Toad's Wild Ride kind of train, but instead of a train you rode in a large whisky barrel while dusty anamatronic "people" twisted back and forth in an oversized diorama showing how whisky and scotch are made. Honestly, I was just in it for the free tasting at the end. Now that I'm a more refined lady, I'm really excited to see what they've done with the place. Let's check out their new video, shall we?

Holy crap! That looks like what Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium would look like had I actually seen the movie! Magic indeed. Slainte!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

What In The Propaganda Hell?

This morning I saw this ad on the train:

You go with that badass programming, National Geographic Channel. From the network that brought us Dog Whisperer, Inmate Uprising and the ever-inspiring Paddle Fish Hatchery, I have to wonder where they're going with this, a week before the 10 year anniversary no less. The network whose tagline is: "Inspiring people to care about the planet since 1888" sure is making me want to change it to: "Giving Attention To People Who Decidedly Lack The Skills To Pay Attention, Since Sunday, August 28th, 2011 at 10pm".

So my question to you is this: What is George Bush thinking about in that photo?

Blueberry pancakes. I know this as fact. If anyone's got an "I have a hankering for blueberry pancakes" face, it's this guy, hands down.

But seriously folks, I get that the channel may want to do a "retrospective", however the wounds are still a bit fresh here. The thing that bothers me personally is when politicians use 9/11 for their own political advantage, and this happened a lot after the attacks. I don't know what President Bush is trying to achieve with this strangely timed interview, but I'm going to guess it's his last ditch attempt to make him look like he did something amazing when he acted like a leader for ten minutes that one time. To get an idea of how much we New Yorkers don't like getting our dick pulled on this difficult issue, check out this insightful article. It's very interesting, even though it took me a second to get over the fact that the reporter's name, Anemona Hartocollis, sounds like something Pfizer would make to treat iron deficiency. That being said, no, I won't be watching this interview. Sundays are my time to watch To Catch A Predator marathons on MSNBC thankyouverymuch.

Friday, August 05, 2011

What Are You Looking At?

Last night we met an incredible actress who will be guest starring in our show on Monday. I say incredible because her life story is fascinating at the tender age of 20-something. She's worked in TV and film all of her life, so we started trading war stories of worst lines we ever had to say or strangest auditions, etc. My favorite line that the actress we met had to say in Law & Order was this: "I know he loved me, because he gave me this baby." That was pretty funny. Another girl in the group recounted the time she had to audition for Law & Order SVU to play a rape victim, and the scene where she had to pick the guy out of a lineup went like this:

Woman: Can he see me?
Officer: No, it's one way glass.
Woman: Are you sure?
Officer: Yes.
Woman: Because I really don't want him to see me pick him out.
Officer: He won't.
Woman: So... he won't see me?
Officer: No.
Woman: I'd really he rather not see me.

You get the idea.

I actually didn't pipe in with my Law & Order story - it was the time I was cast to give January Jones the side-eye for about 2 minutes. Really. I had to audition for that. If you see the whole thing it's funnier because it keeps cutting back to me looking all butch and pissed. I won't upload the whole thing to here because this short clip really says it all.

Me giving January Jones the shade:

Thursday, August 04, 2011

Oh Really

Jesus H. Christ.

Mike Huckabee, America's favorite funny portly politician who makes us all laugh even though his policies are super out there, made a little cartoon about 9/11. Yes, you read that right. I'm not quite sure what to think about this, and if I go on I will talk about how many politicians did, and continue, to use this horrific day to their own advantage. So I won't talk about that.

What I will talk about is the poor quality of the cartoon. Even those annoying Xtranormal bears that everyone and their grandmother was making look better than this piece of crap. It's as if it was made on a Donkey Kong Commodore 64 cartridge. If this is so, it would mean that Huckabee knew about the attacks before they even happened. Who's the terrorist now, huh?

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