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Thursday, January 14, 2010

Gmail's New Ideas!

Hey you guys, Gmail has all these new features they want me to know about! Here they are straight from the site: my comments will be in bold after the description.

More storage for less money
If you need more space for your email and photos, you can now buy 20 gigabytes of storage for only $5 a year. Extra storage is shared between Gmail and Picasa Web Albums and acts as an overflow if you use up your free storage. The day anyone pays to use Google is the day a free and better mousetrap will surface. Hotmail may be a dinosaur, but it ain't dead yet- that's all I'm saying. Good luck getting my $5 for your web album when my pictures, much like all of my lucrative investments, are tucked all over free storage sites like Snapfish, Ofoto and Facebook. Suck on that, Picasa.

New features for Gmail on iPhone and Android
Point your phone's browser to gmail.com and enjoy Gmail complete with full label support, an outbox for messages composed while offline, the ability to mute messages, and more. Blah blah blah, I want more Unicorn apps.

New in Labs: "Got the wrong Bob?" and "Don't forget Bob"
Ever included Bob (your boss) instead of Bob (your friend) on an email by accident? Oops! Turn on "Got the wrong Bob?" and Gmail will check if you meant to include Bob Smith rather than Bob Jones based on the groups of people you email most often. With "Don't forget Bob," you can start composing an email to a group of people, and Gmail will suggest other contacts you might want to include. OK let's face it- this can only come in handy when you're trying to compose a sexually inappropriate proposition email to your friend's live-in girlfriend professing your love, and accidentally send it to your friend. If you're that careless, the "Don't forget Bob" feature isn't really gonna cut it. What you really need is an app that will cover for you if you choose to go that route. In which case, a large set of balls and the ability to lie like a sociopath will be available for only $5 a year.

Four more themes
Make Gmail look like a calm patch of grass or an old school video game. Can't decide? Choose "Random" and cycle through a different theme each day. The only theme I want my Gmail to be on is "Working Properly". Luckily that is available almost 80% of the time.

New in Labs: Message translation
Turn on "Message translation" from the Labs tab under Settings, and whenever you receive an email in a language other than your own, Gmail will automatically translate it into a language you can understand with just one click. This will come especially handy for when you new friend the Nigerian Prince is giving you wire instructions.

Tasks: the first graduate of Gmail Labs
Available in Gmail, Google Calendar, iGoogle and on your mobile phone, Tasks is the simple to-do list that's with you everywhere you go. Click "Tasks" above your chat list to get started (no need to turn it on from the Labs tab anymore). This is assuming you have tasks other than "Get through the day so I can watch the new season of 24" (New season begins Sunday January 17th on Fox, 9/8c)

Drag and drop labels
You can now drag labels onto messages and messages into labels, just like folders. The labels you use most often are easier to access right above your chat list. The rest are hidden but still accessible under "more." Customize which labels you see from the Labels tab under Settings. I don't know about you but these annoy the f@#k out of me.

New in Labs: Undo send
Oops, hit "Send" too soon? Give yourself a grace period of a few seconds to cancel sending, then edit your message before sending again. Again with the inappropriate drunken emails...

Gmail stickers
If you sent in a self-addressed stamped envelope postmarked by February 14th, 2009, you got back some free Gmail stickers. We may be all about speedy electronic communication, but this time we went old school with snail mail. FINALLY GMAIL LISTENED TO MY PRAYERS ABOUT MORE UNICORNS!!!

Gmail on Android
Gmail is now available on the world's first Android-powered phone, the T-Mobile G1. All of the features you love about Gmail on your computer, plus real time push email so you never need to refresh your inbox. This would be helpful if anyone bought the Android which, according to its avatar, sadly looks like something that would be killed in the video game Centipede in 1982.

Gmail Labs: A testing ground for experimental new features
Try out features in development and let us know what you think. To get started with Labs, click the Labs tab under Settings. The only labs I want Google employees to be working in are the kind that will come up with the ├╝berdrug, methamphopimarijuataine, so that I can appreciate the unicorns more.


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