A day by day and often hourly account of a temp

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

For The Love of Facebook

My new favorite blog is STFU Parents. It's kind of the most amazing thing in the world. If you don't know what STFU stands for, like my sister and my shrink didn't, it stands for Shut The Fuck Up. Yes, I told my shrink about it - that's how awesome it is. Here's an example of today's mom:

Exactly. So it brings to mind many things I see on the Facebooks that are silly. But you know, it's like if you had a party and invited all of your friends, acquaintances and co-workers - someone's going to get drunk and say something stupid or just... say something stupid at 9am with no excuse. I had a friend who quit FB recently (so she says) but I still find it highly entertaining in small doses. You can complain all you want but honestly, think of all the time we have saved through this interactive platform. Now when a friend or close acquaintance gets married or has a baby, I can just comment on their status, they "like" it, and I've saved us each a phone call. Or, a friend or close acquaintance has had a bad day, I comment on it, they "like" it, and I've saved us each beer money. This is not to say that I've lost touch with my actual friends; quite the opposite. I'm extremely close to my loved ones and see them quite frequently. But if a friend lives far away, instead of having to email pics of the baby to a mass email, they can just post them on the Facebooks and we can all see them. A show coming up? Tell me about it! I actually go to the "events" section some days and see what shows are around. And here's the best part - if you don't feel like hearing from anyone, don't go on. The only people emailing and calling you are those you actually want to talk to.

So, hate on Facebook all you want, but I think it's a handy interactive tool. And honestly, if it weren't for Facebook, would we be able to see hilarious exchanges like this?

Friday, September 23, 2011

Interesting Day

Boo. My friend was in the hospital all week, my dress got soaked to the bone today so I'm wearing the gym clothes I worked out in this morning at work, and it's still raining. The good news is my friend is getting out of the hospital soon, gym clothes are comfortable, and it's date night and rain makes date night sexy. I think I may have also found a dress to wear to said friend's wedding. I had to consult my fashion expert (my boyfriend gets all his suits custom made so he knows what he's talking about), but at least I have a few options. I got one delivered today that's a little racier than I remembered when I ordered it, and I'm holding it up and my Bosslady walks by and goes, "Try it on". Like, in front of her. We'll see if that happens.

So this morning I recorded a commercial spot for a Petsmart's vet service. Yes, Petsmart has a vet (apparently), and I played a cat lady talking to her cat. They loved the "talking to your pet" voice. I told them all my dog recently died and it was difficult finding the emotional place to channel it.* It got really uncomfortable in the room.

* I didn't. I wanted to, but I didn't.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

In Debt

Ok, I've seen more than one of these on my Facebook feed, and it kind of annoys the crap out of me. Surely you've seen this too:

I'm a little disappointed in my liberal friends. I get that we want the economy to be stimulated, but do you think we can do that by stiffing professors and colleges nationwide? You know what else your student loans paid for? Food. And housing. And I don't know about you guys, but student loan companies historically have very low interest rates, and are extremely accomodating if you are in a financial crisis. Also, I know this may sound crazy, but not all of your friends had to even get student loans, because they already paid for college. Then there's those who have worked extra jobs just so that they could pay their loans off. If this thing passes, (which it never, ever will), do those people get that money back?

Here's where we all need to come together and just take a collective deep breath. Okay, so you have student loans. You can still pay off as little a month as possible, and have it not kill you. And let's look at the positive - at least you had the college experience. Not many people can say that. And truthfully, that's priceless. For example, if it weren't for my education, how could I have gotten in this extremely intense game of Scrabble with a fellow elite graduate earlier?

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Two And A Half One Girls Broke

Because my sister has a new baby-person I spent the night at her place to sleep on her couch and listen for when he woke up just to say, "Need help?" before I passed out again. Kidding, the baby and I had some hang time the first few hours while my sister actually slept, and the rest of the night he barely woke up. This means for those few hours I was awake with him, I watched TV shows I never thought I'd watch. Two and a Half Men, 2 Broke Girls, and 1 Broken Sad Man AKA The Roast of Charlie Sheen. Honestly, it was very educational, and by educational I mean terrible.

Two and a Half Men, which I have never seen, now stars Ashton Kutcher and it was awful. I heard it was awful before, so that means it's doing just fine. 2 Broke Girls was predictable and trite, but Kat Dennings is always awesome, and because it takes place in Brooklyn, it will be a smash hit. I love how the Hollywood producer types don't get that Williamsburg is now too expensive to be broke in, and apartments in NY still aren't the size of those on Friends, but I'm telling you, it's gonna go places. And the Roast of Charlie Sheen was, well, funny and sad. How many jokes can one make about getting your kids taken away from you until it's clear that your kids were taken away from you? HahhahahahAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

I got some sleep, not that much, but who cares, really. Now I can finally say I've seen those shows, so the next time I'm at a watercooler with people who watch primetime TV that's not The Daily Show, I'll have something to talk about. Now, to find those people.

Friday, September 16, 2011


Well it's been a little crazy in Tempy land because a few days ago my sister birthed a baby friend! He's perfect and amazing and he loves me, so that also makes him smart. In other news...

I had two auditions today and one of them was for a place called "Big Lots". I had actually never heard of "Big Lots" because I live in a city. Apparently Big Lots is like WalMart, but cheaper. Sign me up! So I was nervous about auditioning for this because they warned us that "we had to be comfortable wearing a costume". Um, ok, aren't actors usually going to be in a costume? Then I get to the audition and we get a piece of paper that says, and I'm not paraphrasing, "Hello there! You are a giant orange exclamation point." They wanted me to improvise and the woman asks me, "What are you doing on your holidays?" (I had to assume the exclamation point is Jewish because the only holidays coming up that I know of are Rosh Hashanna and Yom Kippur, but whatever). So I talked about how I had to visit my brother semi colon and his annoying wife, question mark. Yes. Yes I said that.

When I bartended, we had nicknames for customers (that they weren't aware of), and my favorite from back in the day was, "Semi-Colon". We called a man this because he always started talking to you as if you were already in the middle of a sentence. Like, I'd walk by him and he'd just go, "And then he asked me to go outside. I was all... go outside? I didn't even..." then you'd walk away and walk back and he'd go, "Really, really great. Isn't that funny?"

Related, I get back to the office and I'm catching up with all my favorite blogs when I see a post from my favorite site Dlisted and it makes a reference to Big Lots. Consider all of us more informed.

Thursday, September 08, 2011

Interesting Piece

Well, it's 9 to the 11 up in this city and everyone's buzzing about it. There's going to be a big memorial event on Sunday, and already there's infighting. Who's going to sit where, why aren't the first responders invited, the attack was an inside job, etc. I try hard not to read too much about it but every now and again you can't help but stop to look at a photograph or watch a news story. That being said, my hero Pat Kiernan from NY1 news posted what he thought was the best coverage of that day, a New York Times's audio piece. This is an interesting way to look back 10 years later. It's a collection of recently released audio files of calls from the planes, air traffic control, and emergency dispatchers. It's also the most fascinatingly user friendly thing I've ever seen the New York Times do. If you have the interest, check it out here. If not, I don't blame you (I couldn't listen for more than a minute). But I have to give the New York Times props for putting it together.

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

Stalker Cookies

Last week my boss asked me to make her home number unlisted. You see, she's not "famous", but she's known in certain circles and is on a TV show, so occasionally she gets attention from the crazies. I still have the fan letter where someone mailed her their shaved mustache hair - this is true. So I just assumed she'd tell me about whatever happened if she felt like it, and got the number unlisted. Today she comes in and there's a delivery on her desk. I open it after pretending to listen for ticking and sniffing the folds of the paper (we have a really funny running anthrax joke here when she gets packages), and it was a tin of Mrs. Fields cookies from... the stranger who called her at home the other night after getting her number from the phone book.

This person who called, a random woman, didn't mean any harm. She was just looking for stock tips. Really. And my boss was obviously put off by it enough that she wanted her number unlisted. And then she gets a box of cookies. I said to her, "How do you expect to get cookies now that you're unlisted?"

The cookies are in the kitchen, and this afternoon a co-worker came out with a cookie in her hand. She asked, "Where did the cookies come from?" I waited until after she took a big bite before I said, "[Bosslady's] stalker." Hahhahahha. But seriously, they're delicious.

Thursday, September 01, 2011

Dudus, Where's My Coke?

Hello, I'm back! I've been back for a while, but I'm officially at work today. I spent the earlier part of this week celebrating the birthday of a very special man and now I'm ready to focus on my non-job. Actually, it's rather slow here because everyone is on vacation, and I'm not quite sure what to do with myself. So I'd like to dedicate this post to an unknown hero amongst the drug trade game, cross-dressing Jamaican drug lord Christopher "Dudus" Coke of the Shower Posse Gang.

Now, I'm not drawing attention to him because he used cross-dressing as a disguise, or because he recently pled guilty to racketeering and is responsible for a bloody drug war in Jamaica that killed dozens. It's because his name is Christopher "Dudus" Coke of the Shower Posse Gang. I just don't know if you can do better than that. First of all, where does one get the nickname "Dudus"? It's very all-encompassing. It's as if it is the original Greek root of "dude". Maybe it is. And then Coke. Coke! He's a drug dealer and his last name is... I'll stop. But really, that's amazing. Finally, I don't know how the Shower Posse Gang got its name, and frankly, I don't want to know. But if you could come up with another gang name that sounds simultaneously jovial and terrifying, I'd like to see you try.

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