A day by day and often hourly account of a temp

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

I Have No Idea Guys

If today's topic was selling out, which it's not, then we should talk about Ben Stiller's amazing ad in Japan. It's no mystery that celebrities do this to make a metric ton of money for a short day's work, but they hope and pray no one in the US will see it. Thank goodness for Japander. What do you think is happening in this ad?

Thursday, July 22, 2010

The Case For Bedbugs

I never ever thought in a million years that I would say this, but I think I'm learning to accept the fact that, as gross as they are, bedbugs have just become a part of New York life. Much like roaches, mice and mosquitoes, we live with insects every day. And yes, it's gross. They bite, but don't spread disease. Guess what do? Mosquitoes. And again, like roaches, they are absolutely disgusting. But when we see a roach, even though we kill it then call the exterminator, there's this universal accepting shrug among us like, eh, it's New York.

Don't get me wrong- bedbugs replicate rapidly, the live in your floor and (ew) your bed, and they are ugly. But with the latest infestations in New York happening on an almost a daily basis, closing down major stores like Hollister, Abercrombie and Fitch and Victoria's Secret, and some offices like Goldman Sachs and Hachette, I can't help but think, heck... it's almost impossible to avoid it.

I have had many friends who have had them, and they've spent a lot of time and money getting rid of them. But they are almost impossible to get rid of. The average bedbug can survive without eating for a year. This is so they can be skinny enough to get into hard to reach places, and attract a mate with their heroin chic flair. But when they do surface, and they will, they take a few bites out of you. And that's about it.

I would never ever ever in my life ever want a bug of any kind in my bed. I would never wish bedbugs on my worst enemy. But I guess what I'm saying is if you can't beat 'em, don't stress too much over getting them. You may and you may not. Bit you probably will. And that's okay.

Just please don't invite me over.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Face Place

I know this is old school but it's worth another look. The world's best (to date) Facebook Snafus.

Monday, July 19, 2010

I'm Thirsty

Nothing says Monday like a glass that can hold a full bottle of wine. This makes the argument for BYOG to replace the dreaded BYOB.

But seriously, folks. Much like the 3 Man Wolf shirt, someone at Amazon has picked up on this, and people have started leaving some fake commentary:

"I am the third trimester of my pregnancy and I have put myself on bed rest. Any little convenience that helps with repetitive movement is a blessing, as staying in a relaxed state is critical to the well being of both mommy and baby. So having a large glass that negates the need for repetitive pouring of a wine bottle is one of those tiny little aids that helps add up to a state of relaxation. The only thing that could have improved this would have been the inclusion of a very long straw."

Please leave your own commentary right here in the comments section, if you like. Now if you'll excuse me, I have $12.99 plus shipping and handling to scrape up. I accept PayPal. Extra points if you buy this for me and by extra points I mean I will be eternally amused.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Aw, Cute

But seriously, have you never seen a cuter pedophile in your life? How come this lady's name doesn't come up in my "Sexual Predators in Your Area" app? I swear.

Um Weird

Without even trying (not that I would) I managed to dribble coffee from my mouth out through my nose, and I have no idea how.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Ok Really?

I'm generally convinced on a regular basis that the universe is fucking with us, and here's some good proof. So after all that, we have to watch these two get together again. I'm not gonna lie, I'm going to wait a year before I buy the gift.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Palin's Book

I've been a little busy today, kids, so my apologies for not posting. I've spent a better part of the morning organizing my, and everyone else's, life. It's not going so well.

In other news, a book is coming out about Sarah Palin for the very popular niche of 9-12 year old girls and one in ten 9-12 year old boys.

Basically, it's Going Rogue but with bigger words.

Thursday, July 08, 2010

Lemons Into Rapey-Ade

Republican Senate candidate Sharon Angle was recently quoted in an interview about her stance on abortion in the case of rape and incest. This is what transpired:

Interviewer: "What do you say then to a young girl, I am going to place it as he said it, when a young girl is raped by her father, let's say, and she is pregnant. How do you explain this to her in terms of wanting her to go through the process of having the baby?"

Angle: "I think that two wrongs don't make a right. And I have been in the situation of counseling young girls, not 13 but 15, who have had very at risk, difficult pregnancies. And my counsel was to look for some alternatives, which they did. And they found that they had made what was really a lemon situation into lemonade." [emphasis added]

Now, I'm actually of the camp that you can't really be "Pro Life" except for it in the case of rape or incest, because it insinuates that human baby life is precious unless it was a rape thing - then it's not really the woman's fault and the "life" argument goes down the drain. So I'm okay when I hear that someone has made a choice across the board, even if I disagree.

But lemons into lemonade. Hmmm... I don't know about you but I just lost my appetite for anything sweet and/or sour. Thanks to this busted lady, I can't even eat a Sour Patch Kid without thinking of rape and incest. And I don't know how much sugar and water it would take to make that situation more enjoyable. I'm also pretty sure that lemonade would taste like rape, shame, hatred and anger.

Damn you, Sharon Angle for ruining Lemonade. Damn. You.

Game Time

Have you ever played the "What's Wrong With This Picture" game where you have to circle all the things? Okay, maybe not all of you were into Highlights For Children as I was when I was 20. But let's play that game now, shall we? This is a real headline. If you get past the "Tired Gay" stuff, there's more...

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

My Review of John and Molly Get Along

John and Molly Get Along is a great web series. And they make me feel really, really comfortable. Please watch.

Some Thoughts

Summer's here and everyone's in a great mood! Well, except for the fact that it's 1051551 degrees in New York today and there may be a blackout in my neighborhood. So I think we can all agree that while Summer is generally awesome, it has its moments. Which is why I compiled this list:

Things I Don't Like About Summer

  • It's not the constricting, sweltering, apocalyptic heat that bothers me, it's the constant Facebook status updates about it. I know it's hot. You know it's hot. Is that all you've got for a status update?
  • If you're not a man you won't get this, but I do not exaggerate when I say how difficult it is to walk by a construction site during the Summer. Winter's bad enough but I'm not wearing a strappy dress in the Winter. And excuse me, but it's hot out and I can wear whatever I goddamn please. Now I can hear the dudes going, "Oh, c'mon, they're just looking at you and YES you are wearing a dress and probably look nice." Ok, all that is true, but it doesn't take away from the fact that these compliments in the form of leering rapey eyes, hisses and cat calls are coming from a guy who looks like this:

Not this:

  • You think you get a free pass from the asshole kids on the subway once school ends, but during the Summer you are at a greater risk for ending up in the dreaded "Day Camp Group Outing Train". Stay away from large groups of children on the platform in matching yellow shirts with a stupid name like, "Camp Happy Kids Time", because those children know they are being sent to glorified daycare while their more affluent friends are actually going to camp. And get them all in a group on the train and you may as well be riding in a small overcrowded playground. And I'm always worried one kid's going to be left behind. Does anyone else worry about that? I do.
  • I know this is unrelated to the season, but I'd like to say the movie 500 Days of Summer was the biggest piece of crap I've ever seen.
  • I've never been a fan of sprinklers that go off randomly, and there is a greater influx of them, specifically in my neighborhood, this time of year. And usually when I'm wearing a white dress/tank top*
  • I had a lemonade stand when I was a kid, and I really took it seriously. Like, my lemonade was awesome. I don't know what happened, but somewhere along the line kids got lazy. Would I like to pay 50 cents for some warm sticky yellow sugar water? Why yes, that sounds great.
  • Clipboard people from Greenpeace or the ASPCA. They don't give a crap about the animals when it's cold, oh no. They choose the nicest days of the year to stand around and act like they care, and as a result make me feel like I don't.
  • "Homeless" teens from Connecticut. Again, only are homeless when it's nice out.
*see bullet point two: "construction workers"

Tuesday, July 06, 2010

Shower Fun

I don't know about you guys, but saving money looks like a lot of fun.

Blog Directory - Blogged