Bachelor Pad

Recently on ABC's The Bachelor, a woman was thrown off the show because she had relations with a crew member. So f@#king what? I don't get it- this guy gets to date 25 women and when he's off with one (or three on those elusive "group dates"), he expects the other women to just sit around? Heck no. These ladies got stuff to do and by "to do" I mean "not sit around".

Wouldn't that be an interesting twist in the show? Halfway through the season this guy "Dave" shows up and just starts hanging around with the ladies? "Oh, I hope you don't mind my not wearing a shirt," he'll say while doing pull-ups from the door frame, "It's just that when I blast my pecs I don't want to get sweat stains on my Armani." He'll charm the girls, but out of respect for The Bachelor totally not like, hit on them outright. That would be so against dude-code, right? Besides, The Bachelor has already laid claim on the 25 women.

But he'll know... he'll always know that Dave is somehow his competition. See how quickly The Bachelor finds a way to snag extra roses so he won't have to send anyone home. Producers will be all, "Bachelor, that's just a daisy painted red," and he'll be all, "No, it's not, it's a rose," and the show will never end.

Until Dave leaves.