Fun With Venn Diagrams

Name Game

It's not that funny but really, it is.

I'm writing out invites to a Bar Mitzvah and I just came across a last name that I can't stop thinking about:

Beaglehole. The kid's dad is DOCTOR Beaglehole, thank you very much.

More To Love

Oh. No.

This week's Tyra show is about a woman with two vaginas.

Yes.

Here is my favorite part of the press release:

"Williams, who was diagnosed with two vaginas when she was 25-years-old, also believes she has 2 periods."

Ok, ok. Everyone settle down, I got this.

First of all, how can you not know all of your life that you've had two vaginas? Also, what makes you think you don't have 2 periods? Can she have kids? And if one boyfriend has sex with one vagina and another man has sex with the other, is that not cheating? Yes, that's where my mind goes.

I mean...

My New Friends

So last night I was invited to a dinner for a good friend of mine in town, and every time I attend these thing it turns out I know his friends from somewhere. Last night was no exception. When I got there, there were all these people I didn't know. The woman sitting next to me and I were trying to figure out why we looked familiar, when there it was- for 10 years we have lived across the street from each other and our dogs play together. The guy to the right of me? I did voiceover work for his film a while back. The woman across from me? I don't know her but she went to Vassar and knows friends of mine AND was taught by my "cousin" (I'll explain that one later). The guy who showed up later? He's in the band the Butthole Surfers and I was one of the few people in the world that sat through his computer music experiment with his friends a few years ago at a local club (that one's for you, Miguel). The other guy across from me starts going on about this famous Kentucky Derby party he goes to... (another long story) and on and on.

FINALLY we had enough chit chat to realize that while we loved our friend, we really wanted to watch the game, so my new friends and I watched the game together. How cute. It'll probably be like in The Breakfast Club where after detention is over, we see each other on the street and don't say hi. But at least we had the Yankees.

Screw that Corkscrew

This is absolutely amazing. This man opens up a bottle of wine... with his shoe.

Oy

I was searching for something about sneezing baby elephants when I stumbled across this.

Oh Maverick

Oh dear god oh dear god oh dear god wasn't it all a dream?

Almost a year ago today this great country dodged a huge bullet by the name of Sarah Palin. Never should she have been picked but who knows- if she hadn't maybe McCain would have won. Which would have been preferable than having Palin anywhere near the White House. But remember that concession speech she thought she could give but was told no directly by John McCain because VP candidates don't give concession speeches? What about a victory speech? Oh, there was one too and they are both available here. If you're like me, and I know I am, you'll be counting your blessings as you read both speeches. Some of my favorite parts from the "victory" speech are:

"Had it gone the other way tonight, we would not have returned in sorrow to the great State of Alaska. We would have carried with us memories that are forever, and joyful experiences that do not depend on victory... This is a moment when principles and political independence matter a lot more than just the party line."

Who could forget the look on Sarah's teary face the night of the speech? She really thought she was going to win.

Very Funny

Ha ha my boss just played a little joke on me. She comes into the office today with a big smirk on her face and a bag, "Hey, can you... uh... return this for me? It's my son's tuxedo from this weekend." Ok.

So an hour later she's like, "Did you go yet?" not in an accusatory way, just more giddy anticipation.

"No... I'm... going after lunch is that ok?"

"Oh SURE! Just ah, let me know."

Finally she can't take it any longer. She tells me the biggest Queen this side of Fairyland who wears horse hair suits and has not one but TWO lazy eyes works there and she is just dying for me to deal with him. So I finally go.

Wow. Let's just say that today was "Snakeskin Day", and I was not disappointed. I actually did an involuntarily obvious stop and sigh after I took one look at him.

Very funny, Bosslady. I'll get you back for this.

iHumiliation

Ok you guys, I may have dressed up my dog as a Yankee this Halloween but in the "For Serious" department this takes the cake. I mean...

And In Today's News

And now, a conversation with Senator Joe Lieberman:

Joe Lieberman: So that's why I think we just can't afford to make any changes in healthcare - we're just not in the right economic state.

A Reporter: But everyone knows a healthy country is a strong country. Why do you hate America so much?

Joe Lieberman: I don't "hate" America, I just think the fat bitch needs to get off the couch once in a while and earn her healthcare- it's not just something to be given away like it grows on trees. It's like, put away the bon bons lady and turn off America's Next Top Model, you got stuff to do. I can't be all throwing healthcare at you like you throw yourself on that guy who has a wife. Maybe he loves the attention but his wife isn't stupid because every time he casually drops that he was talking to you, he never uses your name but your wife isn't dumb and while nothing may be going on, you're still inappropriately flirting with him, and it's not cool even to just refer to you in front of your saint of a wife but I digress, you dumb slut.

A Reporter: Are you ok?

Joe Lieberman: No.

Day Off

I'm taking a personal day tomorrow because after the last two weeks I need a gosh darn day off. I just sent this email to my co-workers:

"I will not be in the office tomorrow- if you need anything urgently, or if there is a fire and you don’t know what to do since none of you showed up to the fire drill this morning, then feel free to text me."

Oh, Ken

This is not a joke. Ladies and gentlemen, after 50 years of oppression, secrets and lies, Ken finally has had his day.

Ken is gay. Not just gay, out.

Remember the break-up rumors a few years ago when they "stopped making Ken dolls" and Barbie had a "career" and a lot of cool "female friends"? We've moved into the 21st century people. I just wonder how long it's gonna be before Barbie totally cougars out and Mattel finally introduces the 20 year old hot Latino model lover doll.

From a site description: "Cool sophistication in breezy Palm Beach! Sporting a dashing jacquard-patterned jacket with a light pink polo shirt and crisp white pants, Ken doll is ready for Palm Beach social season, sunning by the pool and a stroll with his little companion. Fashion designed exclusively for the Silkstone Barbie doll body. Includes Ken doll, jacket, pink polo shirt, white shoes, dog with leash, swim trunks and accessories, doll stand and certificate of authenticity. For the adult collector. Order yours today!"

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Glittery

So I'm super busy today you guys, but never too busy to research the new album cover from our favorite American Idol non-winner-but-winner-in-the-game-of-life Adam Lambert aka Glambert. Tell me this picture does not want to make you go back in time when your oldest sister dressed you up as a tranny girl and took you to a night at L'Amour Rocks.

I was 12.