A day by day and often hourly account of a temp

Monday, November 29, 2010

The Biebs

Justin Bieber, besides having absolutely perfect skin (made by angels, silk fairies and the Charmin bear), has a very special hair style. It is so special, that it could not be changed, even when he was "playing" a "character" on Law & Order.

Well I hope you've digested your breakfast because... Justin Bieber changed his hair a bit. Or maybe he didn't. If you ask me, it's just a bit mussed up (see pics below). But if you asked the teenage Tweeters of America yesterday, they had a different reaction. Mind you, these are unedited. Feel free to cry into your old grammar textbook at your leisure.

@OhMyitsBeliebe: “when i see Justin Bieber new Hair i was Shocked i really was cant Believe that happened :P ,but now i Seriously Love it”

@jbiebers0shawty: “justin bieber’s hair was cuter before...”.

@bieberlovingox: “Justin Bieber didn’t cut hes hair. he flipped it to the other side. :) and it makes him hotter. ;).”

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Blind Items!!!

You GUYS it's BLIND ITEMS time! If you are unaware of this gossip phenomenon, it's pretty simple. A tabloid prints or posts these juicy gossip stories, but they don't outright say who it is, so you have to guess!

But we can rag on celebrities all day, which is why I'm bringing you the first ever (here):

Political Blind Items!

Give us your best guess!

1. Which B+ list Governor who likes to travel is still going on trips even though he told everyone he has stopped? Luckily his wife knows about his little journeys and took a hike herself!

2. This wife of an aging B list who was once an A list Senator keeps nagging him about the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy, so much so that she made a video opposing it! Hope he gets a chance to ask!

3. Which A++ politician has a lot on his mind, especially the smoking hot battle between North and South Korea? Let's just say that's not the only thing that's smoking these days near his house!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Tip Your Server, No Seriously

So this'll bring a little tear to your eye, or make you happy, depending on if you're getting your period tomorrow like I am. It's a clip of my friend Darron singing a song at a benefit for The Trevor Project, and I am honored to know him. The funny thing is, he's performing at the benefit, but he's also the waiter there. Goes to show you the person serving/tending/working/temping for you may be doing it because they genuinely love a profession that doesn't always pay the rent. But that doesn't mean they don't deserve respect and love. Plus, this song is just hilarious.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Pat Kiernan Day

Today is Pat Kiernan Day, you guys. Yes, that Pat Kiernan. For those of you who don't know this man, he is the best anchor NY1 news has ever seen. He is a New York City treasure. And I'm meeting him tonight.

Why is Pat Kiernan so great? First of all, he's Canadian. Like that, my Canadian friends? That is one of the reasons I love him. And he's really funny on NY1. And he hosted the best show ever, the World Series of Pop Culture Trivia. Need I say more? Then there is this.

Happy Pat Kiernan Day, everyone. And thanks to my sister for making this happen. I love her THIS much:

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Sprain Strain

So check out THIS craziness- during my show on Monday night I miscalculated a step in my boots, and long story short after two days of, "Well, it's not swollen but it sure doesn't feel right..." I went to the orthopedist and guess what- I have a sprained ankle. Now, that's not at all a big deal considering it's one of the most common accidents in New York right next to "I don't know how that Coke bottle got there, doctor." (I did say New York), but it does mean I have to wear a little air cast. My dog and I are gonna take prescription strength Aleve tonight and have a pity party- you should totally join us. Although he'll also be on steroids and doggie klinopin.

Ladies and gentlemen, my Aircast.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Morning Things

You guys, my dog is still alive! That's really great news. And I got my first full night's sleep in a long time. Okay, I gave him his doggie sedative before bed but it's the little things. Here's him after when the drugs kicked in:

And in other news, this guy is my new hero. He was on the train this morning and yes, that's a transistor radio IN a beer cooler from Caesars Palace. What more do you need? Besides a dog that's not going to die.

Monday, November 15, 2010

So Sweet

For those of you that don't know, last week I had to keep hush hush about the show I was in on Monday because it was actually a whole ruse so that my friend Jonah could give his current wife a proper ring, as their first marriage was a little rushed due to health insurance issues (us wacky Americans!). Here is the video of him singing the song and proposing to her, proper. If you want to skip the song, the proposal happens at the end:

This night was special on many levels. First of all, it was a reunion of old friends that don't always get a chance to see each other. It was a celebration of love, friendship and music. It's rare a night like this happens and I'm still reflecting on the beauty and significance of it all, and how lucky I am to have so many amazing and talented people in my life.

Sorry this post isn't humorous. Dog fart. How about that?

Friday, November 12, 2010

Food Networking

Dlisted has its finger on the pulse of all things awesome in the world. If you have a chance, I highly recommend you checking it out. This is a gem I found today- a while back, the Food Network posted this recipe from Rachael Ray:

What's more exciting, however, are the wonderful comments that follow it. Here's one example:

"Thanks Rachel for the recipe. It was one of your more difficult recipes to do, but it turned out so Yumm. I'm surprised you didn't recommend to soak the paper towels in EVOO first, then microwave it. It is to die for if you do that first. I also would keep the bacon in until you see smoke filling up the microwave. It produces such a delightful nutty flavor. Finished in less than 30 minutes, this one defiantly should be put into one of your recipe books.

My only criticism is that it's too bad its a late night recipe only, my children have to be in bed early so they won't be ever able to try it. :( Please post one for early morning bacon. Thanks!"

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Country Time

The song of the day is Trace Adkins' 'Honky Tonk Badonkadonk'. Here are some of the lyrics:

"Keepin' perfect rhythm
Make ya wanna swing along
Got it goin' on
Like Donkey Kong
And whoo-wee
Shut my mouth, slap your grandma
There outta be a law
Get the Sheriff on the phone
Lord have mercy, how's she even get them britches on
That honky tonk badonkadonk
(Aww son)"

Overheard on the Train

This conversation just happened between the N, R, and Q line. (For those of you not familiar with the subway, it's the yellow subway line that gets me to my day job):

N Train: S'up?

R Train: S'up.

N Train: So here's the dilly- there's a broken rail up ahead so all N, R, W trains have to terminate at 42nd street. We cool?

R Train: Cool.

Q Train: Hey guys, *chugga chugga* whatchya talking about?

N Train: Q, what are you doing? We have to terminate at 42nd street. I just made everyone get off!

Q Train: F@#k that noise, I'm headed to 57th street. The broken rail is after that.

R Train: For serial?

Q Train: For realsies.

N Train: Okay, but should we tell the people on the platform?

Q Train: Fine, fine.

(cut to 57th street)

R Train: Hey guys, now that we're at 57th street and everyone got off and are thoroughly confused, there's something I want to say.

Q Train: What?

R Train: Let's wait another 5 minutes. I love a crowded platform.

Q Train: Okay.

R Train: So get this... I didn't hear anything about a broken rail, so my ass is going all the way to Queens and finishing the line as we all are actually capable of doing! Crazy, eh?

Q Train: AW! You totally got us!

N Train: SNAP!

R Train: I don't know what you f@#kwads heard but we're back on TRACK so to speak. HAHHAHAH!

Q Train: I love a good mix up!

W Train: Hey guys, what are you doing?

N Train: The hell are you doing here? You got cancelled months ago.

W Train: I just... miss you guys.

Q Train: Oh, man, this just got awkward.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

My Dog

So yesterday was a pretty horrible day- we spent most of the day at the vet and my dog officially has dual laryngeal paralysis. It's fancy words for he can't breathe right anymore. The only way to fix it is with crazy surgery that has a lot of risks before, during and after. So after much consultation with my sister, my best friend, a priest, and a very important visit later in the day from my upstairs neighbor whose dog had the same thing, I think I'm leaning towards not getting the surgery. So basically my dog has a DNR. I'd rather he live out the rest of his days or months on anti-inflammatory drugs and super sexy sedatives. Which personally, is how I'd like to go.

This is him when we brought him back home, sacked out on the couch, high as a kite.

It's his couch, I'm just living near it.

Monday, November 08, 2010

Really Big Night!

WHOA WHAT A BIG NIGHT TONIGHT!!! Sorry, that required caps locks. First, I am in the regular show that I am in on Mondays which is always super fun and exciting, and then I get to rock out with this guy and some other sexy men and women. I'm only performing in one song with them, but I will do it to the best of my ability. If you are in New York, or feel like getting on a plane (I'm looking at you, Raymi!), it's well worth it.

Friday, November 05, 2010

YOU'RE a Spoonacho

I don't even want to talk about the things I would do to Spoonachos. Let's not even go there. It's a rare treat to eat the scooped nachos -the last thing I need is a feeding implement in the shape of a nacho. I just can't.

In other news, I had a cleaning lady clean my house for the first time ever and it kind of changed my life. Hey, I'm a busy lady. Now I have more time to do other things. Like spend time with my loved ones and eat things out of Spoonachos.

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

The Return of the Tequila Monster (Not Really)

Hide your kids. Hide your wife. You don't need to hide your husbands because I'm not like that. But seriously, folks- it's a rare night that you'll see me drink tequila (these days). Last night one of my dear old friends from my bartending days came to my show with her girlfriends, and it was her birthday. And as such, we had to do birthday shots of tequila. If you don't know her you wouldn't understand. Shockingly, we were very well behaved and when I was about to go home she explained to me, "Tequila is your friend. You'll wake up in a few hours feeling great."

Now, I'd like to say for the record, a. she meant tequila in moderation. I'm not talking about a booze fueled evening in which you manage to polish off a bottle of Patron by yourself. That's more in the "frenemy" category, and b. she's absolutely right.

This morning I woke up before the alarm, and immediately started to get things done. I showered, voted, walked the dog (all in a different order - you figure it out), and got my to-do list for the show producer done even before I got into work. I may even do some Christmas shopping, that's how great I feel.

Now, for those of you shaking your head, no - this does not mean I will now go on a three month margarita bender. That's what 2002 was for. But it was a nice night, although I'm sad the shots didn't come out of anyone's navel. That's the only problem I had.

Monday, November 01, 2010

Voting Fever

Happy elections everybody! Don't forget to vote for who you think is the least craziest tomorrow.

In the interim, I think you all need to watch this very special news story about our Vice President:

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