Raining Dogs

I should probably tell you what happened to me yesterday since it was one of the strangest days I have had in a while.

To begin- this weekend these two guys came to the building to fix the roof. Apparently there is a huge puddle of dank water that is slowly getting heavier and heavier. I don't live on the top floor so I'm in the clear. Regardless, it was time to do something, and so these very highly qualified and confident looking (sarcasm alert) individuals got there Friday morning, and brought with them wooden panels, tar and double sided sticky tape.

Sunday rolls around and mind you, I have never had a problem with leaks, but wouldn't you know it- there was a waterfall in my apartment. Oh, nothing of actual monetary value was ruined, just an autograph to me from Oasis's Liam Gallagher I got when I met him a few years ago, some art, you know- stuff that can't be replaced. So it's raining outside and in my apartment but I have to walk my dog so I pat my pocket to make sure I have my keys and head out in the rain.

Turns out the keys in my pocket were not the keys to my apartment, rather the place I was the night before, which does me no good. I'm locked out.

My upstairs neighbors with my keys weren't home so I had to break into my apartment AGAIN from the fire escape while the dog was tied up in the hallway. Mind you, it's raining. So anyway, I make it back inside, clean up the mess from the flood and relax. I already had to cancel one thing because of this but I had theater tickets for 7:00 and I couldn't miss that. So I take my dog out for one more walk before I go and I pass my neighborhood bar and I see about 5 hip kids sitting outside, each with those stupid invisible dog leashes you get at amusement parks. You know the ones- they're like, "Hi, it looks like I'm walking a dog BUT I'M NOT!!!". So I can't help myself, Jesse and I make our acquaintance, ha ha, joke joke. "You're dog's so cute!" "But yours is so ratty looking!" Hahhahah.

We continue walking until I see a few more people with these fake dogs. Then more. And more. I realize, Oh, I get it, it must be a prank from those cats at Improv Everywhere- they do things like the "Pantsless Subway Ride" and "Frozen in Grand Central". Yes, they gathered 2,000 people in our neighborhood for a huge practical joke.

On our way back the people at the bar wanted to take pictures of my dog with the fake dogs so the next thing you know we got involved in an impromptu photo session. Here is the result. I didn't have my iPhone on me so I had someone email me this photo. I got it last night. And well, I was mortified.


My dog has the beginnings of a massive erection.

I mean, seriously. Can't he keep it in for once? Those dogs aren't even real.

So, I guess, high on attention and love, my dog got excited. It was a fun day minus the flood, rain and my dog's display of public indecency. The show was good- it was all about Iraqi refugees so it was a real spirit raiser. Speaking of spirit raising, have you met my dog?