Ouch

You know what? It hurts to get chocolate in a paper cut. Don't ask me how I did but I did and it hurts.

Moving Pictures

My boss is now receiving blind script submissions in the mail and as a result it has become my job to write thanks but no thanks letters. Here's the latest I drafted for her after receiving a treatment for a retarded spaghetti western starring either "Woody Allen? Dustin Hoffman? or Gene Wilder?"

Mr. -----,

Thank you so much for your script submissions. Unfortunately I am not currently looking to get into a film production partnerships at this time. I do appreciate all of your hard work, and I wish you the best of luck with your creative ventures!

Additionally my assistant, who is a published author and playwright, thinks your script ideas are a heaping load of masculine cowpie and thinks you might better be served sending your testosterone drenched train-wrecks to the likes of Judd Apatow.

Yours,

Bosslady

Oh Canada

Earlier I had posted some observations about NY1's anchor extraordinaire/my future husband Pat Kiernan. On of them, besides his general overall awesomeness and quick wit with the morning papers, is his strange quirk of not closing his mouth after every sentence.

I think he must be on to me because this morning after one sentence he deliberately closed his mouth all tight. I could have sworn that was for me. Even if it wasn't, it was still hot. Can the man do no wrong? I heart Canadians.

TGIM

Oh man, what a weekend. I'd like to give a shout out to my girl Slavica for keeping me out 'till all hours of the night like old times. Damn. Let's just say somebody is getting married soon and some of her dearest friends threw her a kickin' party. No, there were no strippers. Yes, there were penis straws. By the time we hit karaoke at 2 am I felt like I was going to explode with love, happiness and alcohol. I developed a nice healthy relationship with a creepy man who had a case of the "touchies". My cab driver on the way home really wanted to talk about high school. I officially entered a new time zone what with my lack of sleep both Friday and Saturday. Sunday I gave my dog a bath at this kennel in the neighborhood that supplies you with the tools. In hindsight I was still drunk. Did I miss anything?

Let's Get International

My co-worker is from Greece and this is her nephew's band. He is 14 and listens to a lot of Led Zeppelin. The band's name? Hot Dogs. The song? The Rage of the Wizard. Enjoy.

U Said Wht?

And now, from the Scrabble IM files of myself and the Girl Who Sits Five Feet Away From Me.

her (10:39:06 AM): ugo
me (10:41:18 AM): ugo
her (10:43:42 AM): slick move, neighborkat
me (10:46:26 AM): ugo
her (10:47:36 AM): good word
me (10:47:52 AM): what was it again?
her (10:48:17 AM): tzar
me (10:48:19 AM): i forget
me (10:48:21 AM): ah
me (10:48:25 AM): YES!
her (10:48:26 AM): spelled w/ a t no less
me (10:48:29 AM): Great word!
me (10:49:13 AM): I'm a freaking genius
me (10:49:23 AM): I'm stoopid smart
her (10:51:37 AM): ugo
me (10:53:33 AM): ugo
me (10:53:35 AM): isuck
her (10:54:18 AM): ugo
her (10:54:23 AM): urock
her (10:54:24 AM): but irule
me (10:55:08 AM): no
me (10:55:14 AM): urock
me (10:55:50 AM): irool
me (10:56:17 AM): ugo
her (11:08:03 AM): ugo
me (11:12:08 AM): ugo
her (11:16:51 AM): ugo
me (11:17:17 AM): f u I'm working- some of us have real jobz
her (11:17:36 AM): f u multitask
her (11:34:06 AM): ugo
me (11:36:16 AM): ugo
her (11:41:08 AM): ugo
me (11:50:42 AM): ugo
her (11:51:13 AM): wow
her (11:51:15 AM): good job
me (11:51:24 AM): danke
her (11:54:22 AM): ugo
me (11:56:12 AM): ugo
her (12:04:02 PM): ugo
me (12:11:15 PM): isuk
me (12:11:17 PM): ugo
her (12:16:27 PM): ugo
me (12:23:20 PM): ugo
her (12:28:40 PM): ugo
me (1:00:36 PM): ugo
her (1:00:48 PM): that man is so little and cute
me (1:01:01 PM): Clara has a cruuuuuuuuuuuush
her (1:01:08 PM): yeah TOTS
her (1:01:14 PM): totes
her (1:01:22 PM): he seems like a nice man
me (1:01:32 PM): for a foreigner
her (1:01:35 PM): he's probably a total a-hole

At Your Service

We sometimes let the guys who were in the office before us use the conference room so their clients don't know the company actually went under. So it is sometimes my "job" to put the old company's sign up when they have a meeting to make it look like they still work there. Which makes me "their" employee when I greet them. Which gives me a lot of creative license.

Just now:

(guy fumbling at the door, I push the remote to open it)

Business Guy: Whoa! I was lookin' at that darned contraption and couldn't figure out where the bell was!

Translation in my Head: Flop dee doo! I'm a freaking idiot! Wa wa!

Me: Yeah, it's actually not a bell, it's a thumb scanner.

Dead silence.

Me: So... let me show you to the conference room.

Dumb

Well you know what they say, never blog angry, but there's just some people I'd like to smack upside the head sometimes. And then there's me- I can be an idiot too but at least I know when to keep my mouth shut.

Like yesterday for example, I was taking the elevator, and I noticed the Chinese food delivery guy was taking the elevator too. That's odd, I thought, because normally they make the delivery people wait in the little messenger area and you have to pick up the food yourself. And then I realized that he indeed was not a delivery guy, rather a Chinese businessman in casual dress who was bringing his lunch back to the office. And I felt like a real idiot.

But maybe he should have taken off that bike helmet.

Bad Weather Day

This is what is called a dirty thunderstorm. No, not that kind of dirty thunderstorm! It was taken recently from a volcano in chile.

Lost in Translation

Will someone please tell me what the theme of this website is?

Fries With That?

My boss mentioned I must have been raised with good manners after I absentmindedly bussed dishes from her desk. I didn't have the heart to tell her it was because of 10 years in the service industry.

IMania

And now the latest from the IM conversation between myself and the Girl Five Feet Away From Me as we play online Scrabble.

clara41577 (11:21:46 AM): ugo
yourneighborkat (11:24:55 AM): ugo
clara41577 (11:49:20 AM): ugo
yourneighborkat (11:56:41 AM): ugo
clara41577 (12:01:53 PM): ugo
yourneighborkat (12:02:47 PM): ugo
clara41577 (12:07:03 PM): ugo
yourneighborkat (12:16:06 PM): ugo
clara41577 (12:22:42 PM): ugo
yourneighborkat (1:47:10 PM): ugo
clara41577 (1:47:52 PM): yoko
clara41577 (1:54:53 PM): ugo
yourneighborkat (1:57:16 PM): ugo
clara41577 (1:57:58 PM): its not letting me
yourneighborkat (3:02:07 PM): ugo?
clara41577 (3:05:44 PM): ugo
yourneighborkat (3:06:38 PM): ugo
clara41577 (3:08:58 PM): ygo
yourneighborkat (3:11:07 PM): ugo
clara41577 (3:12:12 PM): ugo
yourneighborkat (3:12:16 PM): ugo
yourneighborkat (3:12:20 PM): no, wait
yourneighborkat (3:12:25 PM): force of habit
yourneighborkat (3:12:26 PM): not yet
yourneighborkat (3:15:45 PM): ugo
clara41577 (3:17:21 PM): you wish you had an H!
clara41577 (3:23:18 PM): apparently doink is not an "official" word. you go
yourneighborkat (3:26:09 PM): ugo
clara41577 (3:26:36 PM): well played neighbor, well played
clara41577 (3:29:10 PM): ugo
yourneighborkat (3:34:04 PM): ugo
yourneighborkat (3:40:57 PM): ...
clara41577 (3:41:07 PM): ugo
yourneighborkat (3:41:08 PM): no pressure
yourneighborkat (3:49:28 PM): ugo
clara41577 (3:49:49 PM): ok, i have to finsih up later - its too distracting
yourneighborkat (11:49:08 AM): ugo
clara41577 (11:51:29 AM): are you shitting me
clara41577 (11:51:38 AM): i suck at this
clara41577 (11:56:43 AM): ugo
yourneighborkat (11:59:58 AM): ugo
clara41577 (12:06:40 PM): ugo
yourneighborkat (12:18:38 PM): ugo
yourneighborkat (12:41:18 PM): ugo
clara41577 (12:41:56 PM): i went
yourneighborkat (12:57:22 PM): ugo
clara41577 (1:02:22 PM): ugo
yourneighborkat (1:06:23 PM): ugo
clara41577 (1:21:25 PM): ugo
yourneighborkat (1:23:27 PM): ugo

So You Know

Today I:

Returned a pair of jodhpurs to a warehouse in Chicago
Got transferred to 5 different Staples online departments
Played three games of scrabble

He'll Be There

I've got some good news and some weird news. The good news is it looks like the PR guy I love has agreed to represent my show! The weird news is that he's the drummer in this video:

Games

And now, Politics Crossword!

		1						2		3						4
	5
6															7
8						9				10
																		11
					12					13
											14			15
			16
		17
										18						19
					20

ACROSS

5. Whoops! He recently penned a tell all book! Bad press secretary.
7. Sometimes a plant, often a shitty president
8. This is the presumptive democratic nominee
10. He also ran in 2000
12. He won in 2000 but was not our president
13. Bush drinks this in the morning
14. It's hard to take this guy seriously cuz he's so squirly but this former contender had some good ideas
17. Republicans "heart" this guy!
18. Another endearing term for our President!
20. You can eat this, or it can also be a gap toothed female staffer

DOWN

1. This is the presumptive republican nominee
2. First name is Wolf, last name rhymes with Itzer
3. She just returned to her job as senator
4. He singlehandedly saved NY from terrorists on 9/11. What a mayor!
6. Laura Bush loves this stuff
9. This doesn't exist
11. The governor from New Mexico
15. This is a word Bush should learn
16. Another endearing term for our President!
19. This is Barack Obama's other middle name