Comment Comments

Hey all!

Since I haven't been posting a whole lot, you should probably know you can get a good dose of me on my short story project Tickle the Elephant: Erotica For Republican Women and the site for my podcast here. But for those who are still dedicated readers, the play reading went great and here's proof I met the Puppy Bowl ref:

But I just also wanted to say a big thank you to all those who have been sending in comments to Tempy that are still awaiting moderation. It's nice to see I'm so popular! Here's a few of my favorites in recent weeks - thanks for reading!

No Big Deal

You guys... you guys! It's been a while. I know I've been spending a lot of time elsewhere and I'm sorry, my five readers, for not posting more. But I have some amazing news.

I'd like to preface this by saying most people will not consider this amazing. Notable, even. But for me, it's one of the most incredible things to happen, ever.

You guys.

I'm going to do a reading of a new musical with the guy who plays the referee in the Puppy Bowl.

The Puppy Bowl.

Ok, I know some of you have lofty "dreams" in this "world" but let's just say there's just some things that are important to me, ok? And that may or may not involve saying I met the guy who gets to do this with dogs all day long one day a year:

Hi Everyone

"Hey Tempy, where ya been?"

That's what I imagine you are asking me, that is. Yes, I'm here, but obviously I've been neglecting this blog because I've been working on quite a few projects. For example, right now I'm working on eating this salad that I just got. Instead of the white balsamic vinaigrette I asked for, they gave me what tastes like melted butter. So I'm really trying to work through that right now. It's not going very well, I can tell you that.

So while I take care of that business, I'd like to share with you my new favorite thing:

You'll likely have to sit through a few seconds of an ad, but it's worth it. There's also a 20% chance you'll have to sit through one of the bigger ads I was up for last year and came super close to booking, but didn't, and now it plays everywhere. I'm working through that as well.

Wham Bam Instagram

An open letter to people who are pissed that Instagram will profit from their photos after January:

Hello,

So, a free service you use called Instagram has just announced that unless you cancel your account by January, they can sell your photos for commercial profit without giving you a cut. I really don't know what the big fucking deal is. For years this product has taken your crappy photos...and... "instagrammed" them to make them look way less crappy. SO way less crappy that even a photo of a half eaten cantaloupe slice taken at your local artisanal Brooklyn diner constitutes as "art" once it's gone through an Instagram filter, and ends up on my fucking Facebook page. Douche, please. You couldn't take a good picture of a sunset let alone a crouton if Instagram didn't make it look like you finished seven years of art school, and posses both the equipment and capability to develop a photo in a darkroom that you'll never, ever find yourself in.

Plus we can all agree that you only take pictures of clouds, food and nails. That's fucking creepy.

Legally, you're as fucked as that used-to-be-alive-pig-that's-now-bacon you took a picture of at brunch and put through a magical phone tool. To quote a MetaFilter user in 2010, "If you're not paying for it, you're not the customer; you're the product being sold." So really, get over yourselves. Is anyone forcing you to use it after January? No? Oh, ok then, eat a dick before you complain about it on your equally free social media accounts that you also often bitch about constantly. But don't take a picture of the dick before you eat it, again, please. Actually, do - that'd be okay with me.

This video really sums up why you shouldn't use Instagram anyway. Anything that fits well with a Nickleback song while being parodied deserves to make money off of your "art".

Best,

Tempy

You're A Good Les Misérables, Charlie Brown

Did you see that Les Misérables extended trailer I posted a little while back? Did you watch it? Good. Now enjoy our parody of it.

Liz & Dick & Gossamer Feather Man

All was terribly wrong right in the world last night when Liz & Dick made it's world premiere on Lifetime. What  pop culture obsessed person like me wouldn't be thrilled at the prospect of watching Lindsay Lohan play Elizabeth Taylor in a made for TV movie? All snark aside, it wasn't half bad. Oh, who am I kidding, it was a goddamn train wreck. The guy playing Richard Burton was pretty good though, I will tell you that much.

Whenever I watch a bad movie and my mind starts to wander, I like to play the "extra" game. It's when you watch the actors in the background whose job it is to be glorified scene dressing. All I can say is that the giant-gossamer-feather-fan-waver in the Cleopatra scene was the happiest guy alive; I just loved watching him. He  had a wink and a smile in his step, and made every scene count. You know he went home each night with enough material for a one man show about the experience. Check him out on the left:

I used to do a little background work when I first joined SAG because the money is really good. You can easily make a living out of it, and a lot of people do. But if you've even spent one day on the set of a movie you'll also quickly realize that it is a really hard job. See, having an actual "part" and "lines" is pretty sweet - you get your own trailer in between takes and even though the days are long, you have something to show for it. Extras aren't treated as well.

A few months ago I considered taking what is known as "featured background" work simply because the job was playing a passenger on a plane with LIAM NEESON. Apparently the whole movie takes place on said plane and Liam Neeson saves the day, or something. It was guaranteed 6 weeks of steady work, which can be a lot of money. I decided against it because even though I could hang out for 18 hours a day with Liam Neeson, I realized I would be hanging out for 18 hours a day with Liam Neeson.

Oh, and the film is called Non-Stop. I know.

Les Lookatmeimsinginglive!

Have you guys seen this? You really need to. Hugh Jackman is really happy with himself, and Anne Hathaway finally lost some weight: