Per SeNSATIONAL!

I really didn't think the New York Times could out-New-York-Times itself, but after reading an article today, it appears I was mistaken. Now, don't get me wrong. I love the New York Times, and if the paper wasn't true to itself, I would be disappointed. So I share this with you lovingly.

Here is what happened: I'm on the train today reading the New York Times on my iPhone because I'm that girl. Sidenote - my boyfriend was also reading the New York Times on his iPhone because he's that guy. Together, we are blindingly white. So he's reading about sports or Slovakia (collective WTF about that, right?) and much like the commercial, I check out the magazine. Or, an article about Per Se. Basically, it's a food critic's last article there and he wants to go out with a bang, so he chooses his "last meal", and declares Per Se as the best restaurant in New York City.

That wouldn't have been bad at all had he not compared the restaurant to an opera, proceeding to declare each dish certain aspects of said opera. Here's some fun parts:

"And to some, a simple garden salad is the functional equivalent of an aria — particularly as sung at Per Se."

"Standing-room tickets are not sold, but there is an à la carte menu available in the salon up front."

"The restaurant’s truffle-stuffed fat-chicken thigh — crisp, soft, juicy, deep in flavor, with Medjool dates made into marbles, a Nantes carrot mousseline and buttery truffle sauce — might be a tenor’s great turn."

Fuck, now I'm hungry. Where was I? Oh, yes:

"And the beauty of Christofle flatware and Raynaud china, as well as a polished view of the Christopher Columbus statue below, the twinkle of gas firelight and the feel of linens ironed to the texture of freshly sanded pine, can be exactly analogous to towering sets and a thundering orchestra, to the kind of stagecraft that can lead to tears and applause."

No review like that would be complete without this line:

"You may ask to tour the kitchen afterward, or linger over coffee, or simply stare out at Columbus and his dour expression, and contemplate Nirvana."

I swear, this entire review has an air to it akin to the breathlessness of a Courtney Stodden tweet. But really, it was over for me when he managed to make a reference to Marlboros and Coca Cola. And don't think for one second I don't know that as a "blogger" I, too, have jumped the shark by making a Courtney Stodden reference. No one should ever have to deal with that.