Presidential Primary Theater
Herman Cain: Thank you for meeting me here.
Michele Bachmann: Why are we at a Denny's?
Cain: I don't want to get recognized.
Bachmann: Ok. So, why did you bring me out here?
Cain: First, have you tried the Grand Slamwich? It's fucking delightful.
Bachmann: Mr. Cain!
Bachmann: Herman, I'm a busy woman, and I don't have a lot of time so will you please get to the point?
Cain: Michele, I think you know why you're here.
Bachmann: They say you are ahead in the polls.
Cain: "They" are right.
Bachmann: If you win the nomination, you'll need a running mate.
Cain: That's not true. Not in my world. I'll need you.
Bachmann: Herman, I don't follow.
Cain: How about... I be YOUR running mate.
Bachmann: I... huh?
Cain: Michele, it's PERFECT! No one has ever seen anything like this before! I win the primary and then BOOM! I declare, as president of the nomination, my first order of business will be to step down and be YOUR running mate!
Bachmann: I have no idea how that will work but I like where you're going.
Cain: Michele, this party is all about surprises. We're going to need to do something radical to get people's attention. And let's face it, you are more qualified.
Bachmann: That's true.
Cain: And your husband has always been so nice to me.
Bachmann: He does like to give a good back rub!
Cain: Plus all the time he's visited me at Grandfathers Pizza late at night, walking me to my car to make sure I get home safe.
Bachmann: He's a heck of a guy.
Cain: It's your calling, Michele.
Bachmann: Herman, you know I only listen to God.
Cain: Just think of me as his son, Jesus. (He takes Michele's hand)
Bachmann: (she holds it, then pulls away) Herman I...
Bachmann: I should go.
Cain: Should you?
(They gaze into each others eyes)