Having recently gone through the whole breast cancer "better safe than sorry" freak out, I think I'd like to invest in a sheep. Not just because their wool is so functional, but apparently they can detect cancer.
Hear me out - I don't have a dog anymore so this may be the perfect solution. I'll let him graze outside in the back all he wants, and every three months he can do a body scan/bump.
This goes back to a story I read this morning: a woman's sheep totally freaked out one day and began chest bumping her. She knew this was unusual because he was normally very docile and neither of them were watching their favorite competitive sports team. So naturally she went to the doctor. I'll let you read the story but let's just say I'll be spending the rest of the day googling "miniature cancer detecting sheep". They're like miniature giraffes, but with less opulence.