Dirty Hippie

I went vegetarian again recently and it's just as easy as the first time I did it. When you live in New York, it's not that hard to cater to any kind of diet. Yesterday I ate at a place that notoriously serves meat, meat and more meat, and I still found something eggcellent on the menu (see what I did there? Lol YOLO!) The only time I had a problem recently was in the Denver airport when I was in a rush and just needed anything sandwich-related. I'm convinced the turkey industry has a hold on airport sandwich kiosks because my only options were turkey, turkey and swiss, or turkey and turkey.

The one thing that sucks is trying to explain to people who ask why I don't eat meat without sounding like a pretentious fuck. Most people I know eat meat, I don't care if my veggie burger touches a meat burger at a BBQ, and if someone orders a bacon burger I don't crinkle my nose and make mooing noises. I will bark, though. Pigs are smarter than dogs, so basically you're eating the smartest dog there is, like a Border Collie or any mutt. I'M JOKING. (But seriously, pigs are smarter than dogs. Even Honey Boo Boo Child's pig Glitzy had the wherewithal to find a way to get the hell off that show.)

Now don't get me wrong; if I was stuck in the woods for weeks on end you are damn well sure I'd figure out a way to kill an animal with my bare hands. Until then, I'm enjoying this change in diet. Don't worry - I draw the line at wearing patchouli.