Rick's Big Announcement

On Friday I was skimming this article in Jezebel about Rick Santorum when I saw a paragraph that piqued my interest [emphasis mine]:

"Rick's Big Announcement (hotdamn that should be an lovemongering illustrated children's book told from the perspective of a little boy who has a big brother named Rick who tells the whole family that he's gay and everyone continues to love and accept him. If you write this book, I will buy it.) was actually about how Santorum, failing to win the GOP nomination for President, has founded his own political club for other people nutty enough to think that Rick Santorum would have been a good President."

Well, if there's anything I like, it's a creative challenge. And besides, Friday was particularly boring. So I wrote that children's book, and I'd like to share it with you fine people.

Rick’s Big Announcement! 

A Story About Love 

Oh boy, today’s Friday! Do you know what that means? 

No, not soccer practice, although that would be keen. 

I have to look nice, so my hair I will comb. 

Because my big brother Rick is coming back home!  

 Rick’s been away at college to study. 

He’s eighteen and I’m eight, but he’s my best buddy. 

Growing up, we’d make trips to the park and build forts, 

We’d play baseball and hockey and every cool sport!  

When Rick went away I was sad and alone, 

But he promised me that very soon he’d be home. 

So after three long months and many letters penned, 

Rick’s about to come back, and he’s bringing a friend! 

My parents are also so thrilled and upbeat, 

Cuz Rick said, “There’s someone special I want you to meet!” 

“I’ll bet you he has a new girlfriend,” Mom told me. 

I don’t really care cuz I think girls are grody. 

Just when I think I can’t wait anymore, 

I hear the sound of the bell at the door! 

I open it up, and it’s Rick back from school, 

Along with a nice young man named Raoul.  

We sit down for dinner and Dad made a steak. 

We eat and we laugh and Mom brings out a cake! 

But before I can grab a big slice from the tray, 

Rick says he had something important to say. 

“I did a lot of thinking while I was away, 

And I now have the courage to announce, I am gay.” 

My Daddy stands up before Rick is done, 

Hugs him and says, “I love you because you are my son.” 

My Mom leans forward and takes Rick’s hand. 

“But what is gay?” I ask. “I don’t understand.” 

Rick smiles and says, “I’ll do the best I can. 

It means that someday I’d like to marry a man.” 

“But you’re still my brother? You still love me, right?” 

Everyone laughs and Rick hugs me tight. 

“I love you my brother, and you’re my best friend. 

Forever on me you can always depend.”  

“We can still make trips to the park and build forts 

And play baseball and hockey and every cool sport!” 

He kisses and squeezes me until my ribs ache. 

I say, “I love you Rick. NOW can we eat cake?” 

The weekend is over, and I’m a bit sad. 

I’m going to miss hanging out with Rick so bad. 

“You’ll see him again very soon,” says my mother. 

And if Rick gets married, I’ll have another brother! The End