A day by day and often hourly account of a temp

Tuesday, June 05, 2012

Wit and Mitt

It is a quiet afternoon at a Walmart in Washington, DC. Barack Obama is lazily pushing a cart, absentmindedly browsing the array of detergents when a familiar person sidles up next to him.

Romney: 'Sup Barry

Obama: Oh, hey.

Romney: Can I ask you a favor?

Obama: What.

Romney: Can I borrow a dollar?

Obama: What?

Romney: A dollar. Can you spot me a Washington?

Obama: Um, I guess... (hands him a dollar)

Romney: Thanks. There's a special on Pixie Stix, 2 for $0.99.

Obama: That sounds nice.

Romney: I mean, two for the price of one. It's like being a Mormon! Get it? Two wives?

Obama: I have never made light of your religion, Mitt. Now if you'll excuse me, Michelle needs me to get some paper towels.

Romney: You know what WE have Barry?

Obama: No.

Romney: Guess.

Obama: No, please don't make me.

Romney: Go on. Guess. (Nudges his head towards aisle 3)

Obama: Ladies undergarments?

Romney: But they're MAGIC.

Obama: Oh, come on, I'm tired of hearing you make jokes about your own religion! You are such a self hating Mormon! Now if you'll let me continue shopping, I have a very busy day.

Romney: Ok. Just answer me one more thing.

Obama: UGH ok WHAT?

Romney: (holding up a neon jumpsuit) Does this jumpsuit make me look like I didn't acknowledge black people until 1978?

Obama: No, it makes you look fat.

Romney: R...really? (lowers the jumpsuit). I was just teasing is all. Having a little fun. Having a laugh - a chortle.

Obama: Well, you need to stop these shenanigans and start taking this campaign seriously.

Romney: I guess you're right.

Obama: Fatass.

Romney: I heard that.


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