Bagels and Barack

Hey Tempy, why are your nipples hard?

Oh, I dunno, maybe it's because I just spent an hour in a room with Barack Obama. Yeah, that's right. Me and Lawyergirl lived it up. We she originally bought cheaper seats for this fund raiser but because there was a problem we got put in the $1,000 seats. Here's what $1,000 breakfast will buy you:


The only problem with this is that we were seated with rabid Hillary supporters who not only hold grudges but embrace them with passion. The second we sat down they were like, "Who are you with?" and I'm all, "Huh?" and they say, "Hillary or Barack" and I'm like, "Both?" and they're all, "Well we support Barack but only because Hillary is." Jesus, really? Have you not minds of your own? Like if Hillary just kept her mouth shut, or supported McCain or Rush Limbaugh or something they'd follow too? Totes get original people.


So to start things off Barack's sister got up and everyone was all, "Yawn," until she said Barack's name. Then, like seals at the zoo about to get their fish for the 2:00 show, they started yelping, whooping and clapping like there was no tomorrow. Arf arf arf!!! Don't even get me started about when she mentioned Hillary's name. Arooooooooo!!! RAWR! ATTICA!!! The two finally took the stage together. The weird thing is, Hillary was all straightening her skirt and Barack looked like he had some lipstick smear on his mouth. Weird.


Anyway, the whole theme of today's event was about women because it was sponsored by Women for Obama, so 95% of the crowd were ladies. It does not help that Barack Obama is a sexy mother fucker. It took a lot of coaxing to calm the crowd- especially my table because they were frothing at the mouth for Hillary. Now I have to say, she really is a great speaker. Whether she means it or not, she made a very convincing case for Barack. And Barack just perched on his signature Obama Stool, you know the way he sits with one foot bent up, head tilted at 70 degrees northwest, sometimes a hand on this chin, thoughtful, pensive.

(clap clap clap) "I support you too, Hil."

So then Barack gets up and he's all suave and sexy and was like, "We can change the world" and I was like, "Where do I sign up," and then he's like, "Donate your time, " and I was like, "You say the time and place," then he's like, "Give me your first born," and I was like, "Hold up, Rumpelstiltskin, no dice," but then I realized he meant he was going to change the world for our children, collectively. God I love that man.

After, we got caught in the full on Democratic pile-up on the way out. I seriously almost got injured, I was pressed everywhere by people who love freedom, women's rights, healthcare and getting as close to Barack Obama as possible to have him sign their copy of Rolling Stone. Barack and Roll, people. Yes, I Did.