In The Bag

Let's talk accessories people. And yes, I am looking at both men and women when I say "handbag". Today on the train I saw a woman with a little tourist-purse bag thing. You know the kind that are big enough for a passport but too small for that summons from the fashion police? This one in particular had a bear glued on but wait- it was supposed to look like the bag was the bear's backpack, and yet there were no straps on said bear's arms. So, was it just supposed to be a bear stuck on a bag? It's too early in the morning for this kind of quagmire.

Okay, this is unfortunately addressed to both men and women. The fanny pack. Could we just... I mean, I see the purpose of it as a "strap on storage" concept but if we were meant to have wings, we'd have them too. It's this bizarre kangaroo envy that causes tourists and bicyclists alike to don this atrocious item. And "fanny pack"? Do you realize that in the UK "fanny" means "vagina"? So in effect you are subjoining a "vagina stuffer" to your hip, you do realize that.

Which brings me to my favorite story about my friend Henry from college. He was wearing a very dainty messenger bag when some kid on the street yelled, "Nice purse, fa##ot!" (I hate that word) To which Henry responded, "It's not a purse, it's a satchel".

So, in summary, bags with bears are not okay, and grow a sack - don't wear one.