My Big Celebrity Gossip League

A few years ago I was asked by a friend if I wanted to join a celebrity gossip league for a $20 entry fee. It's a lot like fantasy football - you get drafted celebrities, and every time one of them makes it into the popular tabloid websites, they get a point. So, if you have Lindsay Lohan or Halle Berry, you're doing pretty well. You can swap celebs within teams, and at the end of the month the person with the celebs that have scored the most points wins the money. I did it for fun, and ended up winning. Of course I spent all the money on drinks for the women in the league when we all finally met face to face at a bar. But the funny thing is, even though at first I only knew one of the women going into it, I made quite a few friends - women who I still hang out with today. I've gone to their going away parties, baby showers, s@#t got real. So when one of the ladies asked if I'd like to do it again, I said yes.

The problem is, the celebrities in my pool aren't performing very well. I'm doing okay - I'm in 3rd place so far and it's still anyone's game, but I need some help. Which ones should I swap out? Who is the dark horse in the running? I'm not hoping for Hugh Hefner to have a health scare (I am). Here's who I have:

Kim Kardashian: She's my best horse right now. Always in the news.

Ricky Gervais: Surprisingly enough, he's scoring really well.

Mel Gibson: I am shocked. Shocked that he is underperforming. I mean, this is a guy who hates women and Jews and has a drinking and anger problem, but he picks this month to "stay out of the limelight". Still, I can't swap him out. He has potential.

Johnny Depp: Not sure about this one.

Eva Longoria: Didn't she just get divorced from Tony Parker? Why no more press?

Michael Lohan: He's doing okay. He's the kind of guy who actually makes press statements about how he's not going to make any more press statements. And then does it again. So he's a keeper.

Nicole Polizzi: Snooki. C'mon.

Jessica Simpson: This is another surprising one to me. I guess she too is taking a break.

John Travolta: Pleaselethimcomeoutpleaselethimcomeoutpleaselethimcomeout

Hugh Hefner: Again, nothing with this one.