He Does Own 21 Cookaroos

In a surprising twist to a national tragedy, a woman is suing P. Diddy aka Seam Combs for a zillion dollars for causing 9/11, and family distress.

Apparently this very sane woman also claims that she won a casino chip "well worth over 100 zillions of dollars", and P. Diddy stole it from her, because he really needs the money. Naturally, she is also suing him for "$900 billion in child support and $100 billion in lost income". Oh, he fathered one of her children. So she says. And why not believe her? The court is actually hearing her case today.

In other news, Keanu Reeves' stalker Karen Sala just removed her crown for "Most Batshit Crazy" and sadly slid it over to the Diddy lady.