White Out

Oh no. I don't know what to do. My upstairs neighbor called me and told me the crazy schitzo downstairs is BLEACHING THE HALLWAYS. No, seriously. She also informed my neighbor that the FBI is after her and that she can talk to her because she is wearing a green dress, but cannot talk to anyone else. So I just called my landlord's assistant and told her, this has to stop. This is what happened.

ME: Hi. So our super's crazy girlfriend is currently bleaching out hallways.

HER: Cleaning the hallway?

ME: No, bleaching. Everything.

HER: Can't you tell her it's harsh on the nose?

ME: I'm not telling her anything- she's crazy.

HER: Well can't she open the windows?

ME: There are no windows in our hallway.

HER: Well, the front door?

ME: That's not safe.

HER: Well you're in a safe neighborhood.

ME: There is no such thing when your doors are wide open.

HER: Well, if she's cleaning the hallways and has an eye on the open door, I do that all the time...

ME: No, listen- the woman is schizophrenic and she's having another episode. We're not dealing with a reasonable person here. We need to contact her boyfriend and he needs to go home right now. She's a danger to herself and those around her. We've called the cops on her several times. She needs serious professional help.

HER: What if she opened the door and stayed there until it aired out?

ME: ... (rubbing temples) Oh boy.