Movie Time

And now, a Tempy Movie Review.

I found myself watching that sappy movie The Notebook with Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gossling. Some chick told me I'd love it because I'm a fan of Rom Com's. Let me make something clear to everyone- I love Rom Com's because they know they are ridiculous. It is because of them that Drew Barrymore has a reason to get up in the morning. But RC's are completely different than Tearjerkers. Let me say that again. ROMANTIC COMEDIES ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THAN TEARJERKERS. Now, RC's can be Tearjerkers, and TJ's can have their light moments, but overall I cannot deal with tortured, tragic love stories with a "happy ending" (Note: TJ lingo: "Happy Ending"= Death of one or both main characters). So without further adieu, I present to you the pitch meeting between the dickweed who wrote the screenplay and the producer.

DW: Hey, Tom!

PR: Hi Thom.

Both: HAHAHHAHAHHAAA!

DW: Tom?

PR: Yes?

DW: I got a good one here.

PR: Alright- let's hear it.

DW: So there's this old guy who starts reading a story to this old broad who has Alzheimer's or dementia or something like that. Let's just call it "Old People's Disease", you know, when they forget their loved ones names and shit. So the old dude reads her a story from this old tattered notebook.

PR: I like it already.

DW: Oh, it gets better. So the story is about this young couple, WWII time so they've got the cool hair and stuff. So after a wacky flirtation involving the guy hanging from ferris wheels and the young couple laying in the street, they fall in love.

PR: Did you say ferris wheel?

DW: Oh, yes. So the kicker is the girl has money, the guy does not, the parents don't approve and she moves away. He sends her a letter a day and the mom keeps them and she never reads them and she falls in love with a guy who actually has money and a job and he's cute and the parents approve, but RIGHT before the wedding she goes and finds the poor guy and they end up re-falling in love all over again.

PR: Makes sense. Is the fiancee like, a douche or something?

DW: No, he's actually really cool and sweet and nice and did I mention he has a job and all the poor guy ever did was refinish a house? Oh, I forgot to tell you- that was his lifelong dream. To finish a house.

PR: Ok but...

DW: But what?

PR: But so she just leaves her fiancee?

DW: You see after her and poor guy get caught in a rainstorm she finds out about the letters and they kiss and they realize they belong together. And then the mom takes her for a drive and points out this old dirty guy working in a lumberyard or something and she's all, "See that guy? He was my true love but I chose yr dad because he had money and look how happy I am." And the daughter's all like, "Okay, lesson learned" but then she chooses the poor guy!

PR: Oh, man, pass me a tissue.

DW: Gets better.

PR: How could it?

DW: Remember the old couple?

PR: Of course.

DW: Turns out it's THEM! And he's reading her stories of their love affair to remind her of their LOVE! And she keeps saying things like, "Oh that's such a familiar story", and it so fucking tragic and then...

PR: Then...

DW: They both die in a bed in a nursing home.

PR: ...

DW: Tom?

PR: I. FUCKING. LOVE. IT!

DW: Right?

PR: You've done it again.

DW: Thank you.

PR: Man... I can't wait to see that ferris wheel scene.