Who Speaks For The Men?
Hey guys, what's up? Sorry I'm a little late to post this morning - I was in the bathroom getting assistance from Republican Virginia State Senator Ryan McDougle with putting a tricky tampon in. I don't really know how my body works so I made sure he guided the applicator properly into my "dirty hole" to plug up my shame blood from another wasted egg. I'm such a whore! Anybutseriouslyhowdoesavaginaworkpleasetellme...
A LOT has been said in the news media these days about these bills being introduced that intend to help ladies, and the liberal media is calling it a war on women. PLEASE. They have it all wrong. Really, where's the love for the men in these situations? Not all of the women got pregnant alone.
Now, I'm not talking about those silly "response bills" for when a man wants Viagra. A man OBVIOUSLY knows when he needs Viagra, amirite? What we're not addressing is the men's rights in this abortion making decision. (Editor's note: joking aside, I know by saying this out loud that somewhere, someone is already writing this bill). This is why I propose the following additions:
1. House Bill 462 aka The Virginia Ultrasound Bill - This bill requires that a woman get a mandatory ultrasound before waiting 24 hours to think about her whore ways before she has an evil abortion. They took out the vaginal probe part, but, as someone who actually did have a "Trans-V" (that's what we call it on the street) last week, it was all types of pleasant. Anyway, Here's what should be added:
Not only is the father, or, barrage of possible fathers, to be present, but he/they must be allowed to look at the screen, and shake his/their head(s) in shame. Crying is allowed but large wails are not, so as not to upset the baby. The man/men then have 24 hours to release all bank statements and produce a detailed financial plan for how they will co-provide for a child should they choose to keep it.
2. House Bill 2625 aka The Employer Can Deny Pill Coverage If It's Not Used For Anything Other Than Sex - With this, employers can deny coverage of birth control pills if they want. That totally makes sense. But the men need to be taken care of too:
Once the female is denied coverage, the current partner/spouse/lover must be responsible for the purchase of condoms, not complain to said partner about how it doesn't feel as good, and must not rawdog it with a cocktail waitress at the pub of his choosing. If the latter does happen, however, the government shall offer protection of the man's privacy from his partner and offer free legal counsel if the partner chooses to separate from him.
3. Senate Bill 1359 aka Doctors Don't Gotta Be Telling You If Your Baby Has A Deformation So Quit Asking You Dumb Sluts - This bill protects the male doctor (this is true [ok not the male part]) from having to tell you if he sees anything on the ultrasound that you're paying him to do, in case you decide to abort the fetus because of it, and thus, making him cry:
Not only is the father, or, barrage of possible fathers, to be present, but he/they must look at the screen, and clap and yell excitedly about how great their kid is going to be. The man/men then have 24 hours to release all bank statements and produce a detailed financial plan for how they will co-provide for a developmentally challenged child should they choose to keep it since most health insurance companies do not cover sick children.
Men: You're welcome.