Ladies and gentlemen, the drink of the day over here at TempyCo is the Traditional Red Lobster Lobsterita, weighing in at 890 calories and 183 carbs. Men's Health compared it to eating 7 Almond Joy bars, which means a woman write that article, not a man, because women always have chocolate and nuts on the brain. If a man wrote that he'd be all, "That's like sucking down 10 bacon double cheese burgers off a stripper, dude".
Anyway, where was I? I googled Lobsterita after I read the article because for a hot second I thought it was really made out of blended lobster. Truth. It is not.