Oh, Squirrels

So there I am, reading Us Weekly like a good American, when I found an article about Tom Cruise and some big event for that alien religion of his. Apparently, speaking about protesters outside he said, "'They're squirrels,' Cruise said angrily, according to a witness. 'Stuck in an electronic incident. It makes me so angry!'"

Yeah, me too! Wait... huh? I'd be mad if I knew what the heck that meant. Luckily I found this, a translation tool on Gawker:

"Being stuck on an 'incident' means that something in this life, or more likely a past life is holding you back. Not only something that happened to you, but most likely something wrong you did. A common Scientologists find is in a past life they were a Nazi. An 'electronic incident' may refer to some form of brain washing implemented in a past life, likely by a psychiatrist and or alien...A 'squirrel' is a derogatory term for anyone who perverts Scientology text or doctrine."

Now that is not fair! Squirrels are adorable and I don't want to hear the words "squirrel" and "Nazi" in the same sentence. Aw, who am I kidding. Squirrels are total assholes and I'm sure they'd try to run the world if they had a chance.

This is what you get when you Google image search "Squirrel, electronic incident".