A Stripe

Holy nutballs you guys! I just has to take a pregnancy test! Now before you get all your knickers in a tizzy, I am not pregnant. My gynecologist just wanted to be extra sure because I has what they call "breakthrough bleeding" this week, or what I like to call, "My period came a week early and I'm in pain." It is a result of my crazy recent travel schedule. But she insisted, just to be sure, I take the test.

Now, I have never taken a pregnancy test- never had the need. I always remember to take my no-baby-medicine and if you know me, I'm a fan of all pills. So this was new territory.

My co-workers thought this was hilarious (because I knew I wasn't pregnant and so did they) but for Friday kicks they wanted me to do it right then and there. So I go to Duane Reade and man, seriously- $20 a kit? Of course they can rip you off, you've vulnerable. And who doesn't want to know to the minute if they have a case of the zygotes? I hear there's tests now that'll even tell you if the baby is gay or lesbian. "Oh my god, it's a rainbow!" "I've got a softball!" But I wasn't about to spend a lot of money on something I already knew, so I went for the 1/2 off Duane Reade generic one.

I take it to the register all cool and calm, and after I drop down my $5.49 the woman behind the counter goes, "Good luck!" Really?

Anyway, It's negative. All kinds of crazy negative. One co-worker here told me she was disappointed. Seriously sister? I left it in the trash secretly hoping my boss finds it, all Brenda 90210 style.