He's Loose

It's Fall, y'all and time to get ready for the chillier weather. I am officially back from vacation and with my AC out, the apartment freshly scrubbed and the alcohol slowly leaving my bloodstream I am preparing for a lovely October. But wait... there's those pesky elections.

There's a lot I'd like to catch up on but let's start with some news. No, it's not about Sarah Palin's affair or some choice words from Fox "news" Channel, rather, this whole business about McCain not debating. Dude, what? Seriously, he can't take an hour out of his evening to stand and answer some questions? And more importantly, what will he be doing in Washington anyway?

*ding dong*

Guy 1 in a Room Figuring Out End to Economic Crisis: What do we do?

Guy 2: Shhhhh! Just stand behind me! He can hear footsteps.

McCain (behind door): Hello? Anybody there?

Guy 1: Jesus, is there nothing we can do? We're busy here. Can't he read the sign? No pussy candidates allowed.

Guy 3: That was originally put there for Obama, sir.

Guy 1: We don't have time! We have a real crisis on our hands.

Guy 4: Uh, sir, uh what's ifa we uh... guuuuuh...

Guy 2: Who let Cletus in?

Guy 3: Sorry sir. He's my brother.

McCain: Hello? I can hear you guys. Hey guys! Can I come in?

Guy 2: Shoot! What'll we do?

Guy 1: Just... stay calm.

Guy 4 (to door): What's the password?

McCain: A ha!

Guy 1: Terrence, Cletus cannot be a part of these things! Remember when you left him alone in the room for just ONE SECOND and the next thing you know we accidentally bombed Estonia? Took weeks to cover up.

Guy 2: Estonia makes great vodka.

Guy 1: Made great vodka. Made.

McCain: Open up! I'm going to save the damsel in distress!

Guy 3: He's having one of his episodes again.

Guy 2: I'm scared.

Guy 1: Just... just stay still. It's almost his nap time.