Finance 101

The Financial Crisis, as explained by Tempy.

So Jimmy wants to bake a cake for his girlfriend's birthday. His bowling buddies make fun of him for expressing a desire to do such a girlish activity, but Jimmy pays them no mind. So he goes to the Baker to buy some flour.

The Baker says, "Hey, you buying flour for your mom?"

"No," says Jimmy, "It's for me. I am going to bake my girlfriend a cake."

"Ha ha," laughs the Baker, "That's funny. But seriously, do you want some bread?"

"Just give me the fucking flour," spits Jimmy, steamed.

"Ok, ok fine," says the Baker, "But first, how's this. I can loan you money for a home for a very low interest rate. Just pay me back over time. Plus, if you want to buy more than one house, you can then sell that for like, twice the profit. Think about all the 'dough' you'll be able to make! Ha ha! Ha!"

"What are you, a bank?"

"Yes, Jimmy. The sign above me says Banker, not Baker. But I liked that flour thing- real cute. Wouldn't you rather buy your girlfriend a house than bake a cake?"

Jimmy thinks about it, and the fact that he should get new glasses because he did indeed go to the Banker and not the Baker. Jimmy agrees. Once he leaves, he had the deeds to five homes, and a payment plan with a low interest rate.

The Banker has a secret, tho. He is offering this plan to all of Jimmy's neighbors because he is a loan whore. That and the more loans equals more interest. But who cares? The housing market is the one thing that keeps rising steadily, so no harm, right?

Turns out Jimmy's girlfriend also bought several houses so her birthday was kind of a dud for she had many homes but no cake. It didn't matter, they thought, because the ICING on the deal is they collectively have 8 homes.

Well wouldn't you know it but the interest rates go up and Jimmy and his can't afford to pay them. So they try to sell some homes but all of their friends also have like, a gazillion properties and no one wants to buy. So Jimmy and his girlfriend default on their loans. She leaves him for a bass player who never had a home because he lives with his mother. But that's okay because Jimmy's girlfriend was kind of a tramp anyway. The banks too have to close because they basically lent millions of dollars that never existed on the hope that they would get it back but there was no collateral and in reality the money wasn't there. It's like betting $15,000 on one number on a roulette table when you don't even have a nickel to begin with. But enough about my gambling problem- back to Jimmy.

Jimmy ends up with nothing too and now works at a supermarket to get by. The irony is that the supermarket may close because people cannot afford to eat. All this because he wanted to buy some flour for his girlfriend's faggy birthday cake.

Any questions?