The Learning Annex

So I was signing up my boss's nanny for a class at the Learning Annex when I came across this one- How To Talk To Your Cat. It answers those nagging questions like, why your cat:

• Is so vocal
  
• Wags his tail
  
• Ripples his back
  
• Flattens his ears
  
• Paws at his mouth
  
• Scratches the couch
  
• Turns up his nose at his favorite food
  
• Avoids his litter box
  
• Rejects your friends
  
• And more

Well, I also googled that shiz and came up with this lovely article. It teaches you how to "train" your cat. Like this:

"You want your cat, Fluffy, to come to you. You 'visualize' the Fluffy coming to you. You call her to you and use words like 'Fluffy, come here.' At first, you might not see much reaction from your cat. Try it again. The next time your cat is sauntering past you, do this again. Your cat will pause and either continue on its way or come to you. Always pet and praise your cat when it does what you request."

You know why your cat ripples its fur, avoids the litter box and rejects your friends? It's because your cat is a psychotic messy asshole and maybe you should wonder where he learned all that. That and you are a loser who takes classes at the Learning Annex.