Camp Time

The email I drafted for my boss to send her son in camp:

"Dear ----,

Hello. How’s camp going? We miss you very much. ---- and ---- are having a great time at Camp --------, but can’t wait for you to come back. How is everyone there? What sports are you playing? We hope you are having a great time, and we will see you at parent’s weekend!

Love,

Mom and Dad"

The email I wanted to send:

"Dear ----,

Hello! Did you like that card my assistant picked out for you? There's 5 more. It only took her three hours in Hallmark getting them because boy cards are hard to come by.

How's everything at camp? Life sure is easy and fun isn't it. Did you know that the cost of your camp supplies and mandatory uniforms alone could pay for food for 50,000 starving children in Africa for 20 years? It's true.

Hope you are kicking butt at sports! If you aren't Dad will think you're a fag. He already thinks there's no hope for your younger brother ---- so we have a lot riding on you. A lot. You are our legacy. Don't f@#k it up.

I'm glad you are making new friends!

We will see you soon at parents weekend and you'd better have a lot to show for your time there.

Love,

Mom and Dad"