Don't Let The Door Hit You...

For those of you who have been to Tempy's apartment you'll know Tempy runs a tight ship. I have had neither a single roach nor mouse in three years due to my exceptional cleanliness and high pitched noise pest deterrent contraption thing. So while I know we live in New York City, you can imagine my delight to find the worst of the worst this morning taking a walk in my apartment- the waterbug.

The last time I saw one of those atrocious creatures was in my old apartment seven years ago. It took me 15 minutes to kill it because as much as I sprayed it with bleach, crushed and swatted at it, it still wouldn't die. I actually had to sweep it in a bag, put that bag into another bag and take that bag outside to a trash can with a solid lid; that's how much I hate these freaking things.

Luckily, the one this morning was relatively small and was staggering about as if it had been poisoned, so I already had a leg up. That is not to say that as I stood there in the middle of my apartment, naked (that's how I roll in the heat, people) that it would be an easy task. About ten minutes goes by with me darting my eyes about the room looking for something to drop on it before it could get sacred and run. I mean, there's nothing worse than the Bug Showdown. It sees you, you see it, but you both don't want to move. You're breathing slowly, the bug is twitching its antennae, both are waiting for the other one to do something. Maybe a dustbunny rolls by.

Then my dog saunters out of the bedroom.

Now, my dog loves anything and everyone. He's actually been known to befriend mice and sick flies. So, anxious to introduce himself to his new best friend, my 65 pound dog bounds towards the 2 oz. waterbug, tail wagging spastically.

It's on. The waterbug tries to run, but is too weak. However it can still meander quite quickly. I'm scampering about looking for something, anything to hit it with. My dog is just about doing backflips. Finally... it ran towards the door.

The door. Could I? And so, naked, I hold my breath that no neighbors are outside, open the door, and shut the waterbug out.

But it's not over yet. While my dog is sniffing helplessly at the doorframe for signs of his now long lost friend, I throw on a robe and grab a broom. And yeah, I did it. I swept that little bitch down the stairs.

Now, maybe I should have followed through and actually swept it outside the building. But it was too early in the morning for that and was already up late the night before and just wanted to get in the shower. So if you live in Tempy's building, I'm sorry. Please check the hallway for a half dead adolescent waterbug. And hopefully if all goes well, I will not have to deal with another one for the next seven years.