Crazy Neighbor Lady

I know you've all been waiting with baited breath to hear all about what new crazy s@#t my superintendent's girlfriend has been up to. Well have no fear- your wait is over. I have more news about Captain Crazypants.

It was a lovely Friday afternoon at work and my neighbor and I decided to "Stoop it Out", that is, drink some white wine outside our building in folding chairs. It's a party. When my neighbor went up to get something from upstairs, she gave me the "don't look now" side-eye, but it was too late- there she was.

Here is the account of what horrible thing that happened to her recently. Just add in the, "Mmmmm hmm"'s and "Uh huh"'s that I was saying along at your own leisure.

"I have to tell you and the other girls in the building about this- I was attacked. No one believes me. I don't know how they got in, but here's what happened- I was just standing around in the apartment, minding my own business, being crazy (I added that), and then I woke up and someone had placed me on the couch with a blanket over me, and I got an MRI done because my back felt weird and they found that there was something causing pain in my back, so I don't know if they tackled me or hit me but they twisted my back."

I'd like to point out that she was neither raped nor robbed.

So yes, ladies and gentlemen of Carroll Gardens, look out- there is a rogue chiropractor going around, breaking into people's homes and doing spine adjustments against their will, then delicately placing them back on the couch under the comfort of a handmade crochet blanket before disappearing in the night, only to strike some poor unwitting soul again by treating or preventing mechanical disorders of the musculoskeletal system. God help us all.

My f@#king conveniently neighbor didn't come back until the story was pretty much done.