If You Havent Already Heard

And now, an open letter from Governor Mark Sanford to his family:

Hello, it's me again, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford. I just wanted to apologize again in a very public manner to my family. I didn't think the news conference got to enough people, so I really want to go into great detail about my whereabouts.

I was in Argentina with my hot, young Argentinian lover.

I want to apologize again in great public display for humiliating my family, wife and sons. Now that all the emails are coming out, you'll see in great detail how we fell in love, beautiful, passionate love. You'll see me reference her curves and tan lines. It will be awkward. My poor wife will have to relive the pain over and over, every single day. Each day may be worse than the next, who knows. That is why I am making another public apology.

I will also be creating a Facebook page dedicated to my philanderings, so I can rehash exactly what happened when. For my family. There will also be bi-minute Twitter updates or "Tweets" about how difficult it must be to live through this. I will write them myself. I will also be constructing a website, www.WowThisMustBeReallyEmbarassingAndIAmSoSorry.com dedicated to an exact timeline of when my attraction to my wife slowly faded over time, and my desire for a hot, young Argentinian girl began. My wife doesn't deserve such behavior that was spurred by no fault of her own, just nature's great miracle of a female aging process which is common, and causes sagging breasts, weight gain and wrinkles. She's just a woman for godsakes. An older, mature, pre-menopausal mother of my four kids. Which is why her lady parts also aren't as tight as they used to be. Unlike my Argentinian mistress, who is taut in many many places, as you'll see in my many references to her once all the emails are distributed, via flier and emails, to every citizen of this great country.

Again, I am sorry. You don't deserve this. I am such a jerk. A jerk with a hot girlfriend.

Love,

Governor Mark Sanford