Adventures in Politics

An empty bar somewhere in the south.

Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are in a heated discussion. Clinton has clearly been drinking.

Obama: Hillary, put the rifle down.

Clinton: (brandishing a Winchester) Shaddap! Don come any clossser or I'll pull a Cheney!

Obama: Hil...

Clinton: I'm warning you, (takes a swig from a can of Natty Light), I'll shoot you like that duck I shot onccce with my father.

Obama: Hil, you told me that was a sparrow and it was an accident and you cried for 2 days.

Clinton: Don tell me wha to do! I'm an Ameeeeerican. Look, I drink beer an I have a rifffle.

Obama: Hil, you're drunk.

Clinton: Drunk on POWER!

Obama: No, drunk on Wild Irish Rose and Natty Light. Now come on. Put the rifle down and take my hand.

Clinton: (pointing rifle at Obama) I'm warning you, I'll ssssshoot!

Obama: Hillary, that's not a real gun. It a videogame called Buckhunter. Now, just... put it down. You're out of quarters and I think you need to go to bed.

Clinton: Not until you say you are looooosing in the popular vote if I count Michigan, Florida and Antarctica.

Obama: There was no primary in Antarctica.

Clinton: (whispering) Yesss there was but it was a sssecret... *hic*

Obama: (helping her out the door) OK, sunshine. Out we go.

Clinton: Nobody loves me.

Obama: Time for nite nite.

Clinton: I want a Morningstar veggie burger.

Obama: We can arrange that.

Clinton: I hate the South.

Obama: I know.

Clinton: And black people.

Obama: Let's just... get you home.