ASPCHey

As most of you know, thanks to that bitch Sarah McLachlan and her ne'er do well parade of abused animals on the TV, I have joined the ASPCA. I have received neither the shirt nor the "photo" of the "animal" I "adopted". But what I do receive is hella emails with the strangest subject lines. Like this gem for example:

"Bronx Man Arrested for Animal Cruelty/Enter to Win ASPCA Day Kit"

Because there's nothing that beats the dogfight blues than a day at the spa. Here's what I got today:

"500+ Cats Removed in Raid/Photo Contest Winners"

Can you imagine how the winners feel? "Hey, look, I won! This is the best day ever! It so beats being a cat today."