Your Idol

According to Dial Idol, Jorge Nunez will be the first to go tonight. Hey, the Puerto Rican thing didn't work for Tatiana, I don't know why he thinks he'll get a free ride. Sorry, dude. Now I actually didn't watch it last night but I'm guessing it went something like this.

*Music. Lights. Spinning faceless computer generated radiating person. Cheers, Applause.*

Seacrest: 13 contestants. One night. It's finally down to you guys as the top 13 battle it out to be your idol. I'm Ryan Seacrest and THIS is American Idol."

*Music: Badabadabadabadabadareeeeeowwww...*

Coca Cola commercial

McDonald's Fillet of Fish Commercial

Coca Cola Commercial

*Back to show*

Seacrest: We are back, and I am Ryan Seacrest. Now, let's meet the judges. First we have randy Jackson in the house.

Jackson: Dog pound baby! Yeah yeah yeah! That was hot!

Seacrest: Next we have miss Kara DiGuardi.

DiGuardi: What is up?! Hahha! Hi guys. What's up.

Seacrest: The LOVELY Paula Abdul.

Abdul: *waves*

Seacrest: And finally, the man we love to hate, the one who is the main spear in our poorly masked sexually awkward verbal spars, the Ennis to my Jack, the straight man to my gay man, the theoretical penis in my metaphorical butt, Mr. Simon Cowell!!!

Cowell: Hello GayCrest.

Seacrest: Hahhah! Oh, Simon, you're just saying that because you haven't gone out on any good dates in a while.

Cowell: That's what your girlfriend said.

Seacrest: Hey OH!!! That made no sense! Anyway, last week we surprised you all with bringing in 13 contestants. Well let me just say that tonight, we are bringing back one more..... Tatiana DelToro.

DelToro: (runs on stage, laughing, crying, screaming, shaking) OMG! Ah want to thank y'all out there so much! Yee haw!

Seacrest: Tatiana, what is up with the Southern accent?

DelToro: Well, lahk, Puerto Rico is close to Texas y'all and I'm a true blue country girl! Like that other chick who made it through! Whoop!

Seacrest: Well Tatiana, I have another surprise for you.

DelToro: Yeah?

Seacrest: We're only kidding, you're not back on the show.

Tatiana: What?

Seacrest: Yeah, sorry.

*Tatiana falls in a heap on the floor and self combusts*

Seacrest: When we get back from the break we'll hear from our future winner, Danny Gokey! Did you know his wife died?

Gokey: Seriously? Are we really going to talk about this again?

Seacrest: It's in my contract, Danny, that I at bring her up at least three times, and try to get you to talk about it with leading questions like, "Who do you wish could have just seen your performance?" That kind of stuff.

Gokey: I f@#king hate you.

Seacrest: What are you going to sing?

Gokey: November Rain.

Seacrest: Okay, now, seriously?

Gokey: Go fuck yourself.

Seacrest: Hahha!

Cowell: Now you're just making this too easy.