In Your Stars

And now, horoscopes!

Aries (21 March-20 April)
Do something unexpectedly nice for someone today. Not only will it make their day, but it will solve that little problem you have as well.

Taurus (21 April-21 May)
Someone will be unexpectedly nice to you today. As a result, you may make a crucial relationship decision.

Gemini (22 May-22 June)
Your loved one will make a crucial relationship decision.

Cancer (23 June-23 July)
Recommend a new website today to friends. Like Blackjack.com or YouPorn.

Leo (24 July-23 August)
Today would be the wrong day to view gambling and porn sites at work. It could lead to a very embarrassing situation.

Virgo (24 August-23 September)
A recording you aren’t proud of might end up being viewed by many.

Libra (24 September-23 October)
Jesus, that’s my sister.

Scorpio (24 October-22 November)
I swear, I didn’t give that tape to anyone.

Sagittarius (23 November-22 December)
Stay away from a meddling co-worker. Remember, office gossip isn’t good.

Capricorn (23 December-19 January)
Find out where Sheila from accounting slept last night.

Aquarius (20 January-19 February)
Today would be a good day to call an old friend.

Pisces (20 February-20 March)
Don’t pick up the phone.