Showgirls- A Vegas Misadventure, Part 2

In a dank supply room in the basement of the Venetian Hotel.

Biden: Dear god.

Dodd: Beautiful, isn't she?

Biden: (looking at machine) But... does it work?

Dodd: Does it work? Does it WORK? I didn't spend years befriending Karl Rove's wife for nothing.

Biden: What does she look like anyway?

Dodd: I don't know. Kind of like, Karl Rove in a dress. That's not the point. The point is this. It works. And works well.

Biden: What does it to?

Dodd: The Speechographer9.11 has the incredible capability to add September 11th references in parts of everyday speech in such a way that subliminally the audience you are speaking to will become really really scared. And then vote for you.

Biden: So you just...

Dodd: That's right. You see here- write down all the issues you want to talk about and put it in the top. Then simply type in the desired length of your speech, the target audience and your age, and poof!

whirring

Biden: (staring incredulously as the machine rolls out a piece of paper. Holds it.) So is this... is this what Giuliani uses?

Dodd: You fool! Everyone knows Guiliani is a robot! He has one of these baby's implanted into his metal robot brain! That's why he can't talk about anything else!

Biden: Got it. But... why? Why are you giving this to me?

Dodd: (sitting) I'm getting old, Joe. No one gets me. I think I'm polling last.

Biden: I'm pretty sure fairy-boy Kucinich is last.

Dodd: That may be but let's be honest. I have a chance of getting that nomination as much as Fred Thompson has sex with that hot wife of his.

Biden: Oh, yeah. She's hot. (wolf whistles)

Dodd: Anyway, I want you to have the nomination. I want you to win. But you'll need this. You've got to get tough.

Biden: And in return?

Dodd: I'll be your vice president.

Biden: But I promised Harry Reid...

Dodd: Harry Reid's dead, Biden.

Biden: What?

Dodd: Okay, he's not dead. But if he were... you couldn't use him. I want you to think about it, Joe. Think about it. The next debate is in a week and a half. I know you want to win as much as I need to pee every five minutes.

(Dodd leaves and shuts door behind him, leaving Biden with the Speechographer9.11. Biden crumples to a heap on the floor, head in his hands. He weeps.)

To be continued...