ImmiGRATEing

Do you guys ever watch Lou Dobbs on CNN? He's the guy who hates George Bush and immigrants. I love his show because he really tells it like it is. The best part is his little lackey Jack Cafferty, an ex-Fox turned CNN anchor/commentator/badass. Whenever Dobbs can't really get his point across, he always just throws it to Cafferty, the Robin Quivers to his Howard Stern.

If you missed last night's show, here's an actual* transcript:

Dobbs: Welcome back to a segment I like to call Broken Borders. Today's guest is Rep. Luis Gutierrez, a democrat from Illinois who is pushing for open-borders, amnesty and free ice cream for millions of illegal aliens. Welcome Mr. Gutierrez.

Mr. G: Si, gracias. I'm kidding! Hello.

Dobbs: Mr. Gutierrez, let's just get right to the point here. You say you want millions of immigrants to not only get US drivers licenses and passports, but also unlimited welfare, free cable and the right to be ordained in the catholic ministry. Why are you such a dick?

Mr. G: Well, it's not that simple, Lou. You see if we get dangerous illegal drivers off the streets and make sure they are held to the same scrutiny as...

Dobbs: I mean this is ridiculous. First the administration refuses to take heat for the Valerie Plame leak and then you democrats want illegal aliens to teach our children. If this isn't a breach of national security I don't know what is. Jack? Jack? Where's Jack? There he is. Jack Cafferty in New York, what do you have to say about this?

Cafferty: Grrrr...Ruff ruff RUFF!!! Rrrrrrrrrrruff!

Dobbs: Good boy.

Cafferty: Rrrrrrrrrr.

Dobbs: When we return I'll ask Mr. Gutierrez how he got into this country.

Mr. G: Lou, I was born...

Dobbs: And later, I will ask the Reverend Jesse Jackson his views on George Bush's decision give a free ride to a private school of an illegal immigrant's choice while so many African-American children have to go to public school.

Rev. Jackson: Uhhhhhhhhhhh... really?

Dobbs: After this.



*by actual I mean fabricated