Fifth Avenue

At Bergdorf Goodman on a work errand:

Me: "Hi, can I get the [extremely expensive face cream for older ladies] in beige?"

Bergdorf Goodman Guy: "Of course! I like a lady who knows what she wants. Since you care so much about your skin, can I interest you in some products?"

Me: "It's not for me."

Bergdorf Goodman Girl approaches.

Me: "Excuse me, do you have a counter here for [something they don't have a counter for]?"

Bergdorf Goodman Girl: "No, but Macy's Herald Square does. It's so cute there! You should go! It's on 34th and... 7th? Yeah, oh and because it's Columbus Day it's all decorated cute!"

Me: (stunned silence)

Do I look like a tourist? All I need is a fanny pack and a husband browsing in the electronics section.