Old Guy

Um... ok as you all know my dog is getting older and he's been really weird and talks a lot now, has breathing issues, gets sick more often and is a general overall asshole. I took him to the vet recently for a tune up and she says that he is doing just great, lumps and all. Oh, did I mention he has lumps all over his body? He does. So I get this email from the ASPCA about older dogs.

"What Symptoms Should I Be Concerned About in My Older Dog? If you notice any unusual symptoms, please don’t wait for your regularly scheduled checkup to see your vet. Call right away. Symptoms to watch out for and promptly report include incontinence, lumps, constipation or diarrhea, shortness of breath, coughing, weakness, unusual discharges, changes in weight, appetite, urination or water intake, stiffness or limping, increased vocalization and uncharacteristic aggression or significant behavior change."

Um, pu-scuse me? All you need to do is tack on "bad breath" and "intolerance to As Seen On TV Pet Aids" and you've just summed up my dog.