But I Like Shuffleboard

You see, this is why I don't go on cruises. Another virus has infected a hapless group of vacation-goers. This time, it's called the "norovirus" and according to Janice Okubo, spokeswoman for the Hawaii Department of Health, it, "is one of the common viruses we've been seeing on cruise lines. Most of the time, people recover."

Most of the time. I'm sorry, but first of all, no cruise ship is registered in the U.S. That's because a. they can and b. they don't have to pay their workers minimum wage. Also when someone disappears or gets murdered by a crew member, it's not within the U.S. jurisdiction so most cases go unsolved. You are literally throwing your identity away when you board a cruise ship. And more often than not you will also be throwing up.

They made it look so fun: