Beyond Healthcare Reform

An Open Letter About Socialized Medicine By A Fit Conservative

"Hey guys! So listen, I know there's a whole lotta hoopla about this whole healthcare debacle and I think you're missing the larger picture here. If we even think about letting this pass, you should kiss your freedom goodbye! But what's worse is government already runs way too many things in our life anyway and it shouldn't stop with this issue. Which is why I propose that we de-socialize the police department.

Hear me out: I don't want the government telling me which cop gets dispatched to the scene of an accident or possible break in, like when that professor guy from Harvard found his own chauffeur trying to knock down his door. I want to know that officer O'Sullivan will be there, not some rookie I've never heard of. In a situation as serious as a neighborhood kid TPing my lawn, Officer O'Sullivan knows me already and will, in most cases, even know the punk teenager!

Now, I know what you're going to say- who pays for all this? Well as Americans, we do. But you get to choose the right police program for you. I'm blessed by the Lord to have excellent work values, and as such I am what you would call 'upper middle class'. Why shouldn't I get the policeman I worked so hard for all my life? If I want to have someone on call at all hours of the night and I can afford it, I deserve it. I have a family for chrissakes. You don't hate family, do you?

Now before we get our knickers in a pinch about all the poor folk out there, let me just make one thing clear- of COURSE the police will take care of you. There will be a system if you find yourself unemployed that, much like welfare, will assign you a precinct for a few weeks until you get back on your feet. But if you choose not to work and make a living, you can organize a neighborhood watch or buy some guns. You will always have the right to defend yourself, by gum! This IS America!

So in conclusion, I can't even THINK about socializing healthcare when I watch my hard earned dollars drift away so some lazy lady thinks she'll be protected by the po-po unconditionally no matter how late she chooses to walk home. Heck, no. I work too hard to take care of everybody. It's about time you learn how to take care of yourselves!"