New Job

That's it. I wanna be a high class hooker. Well, maybe not like the "5 Diamond" girls who work for that prostitution ring that our Governor frequented. I'm talking maybe more along the lines of a three diamond one. Not that I'm into mediocrity; I just feel that if I had five diamonds, guys would expect the utmost professionalism, which I'm not really ready to give.

For example, I might be late. You never know. A heel could break because I don't really wear high heels. And then I'll show up and my heel will be neither high nor clear enough. I'd be the kind of ho that would be like, "Whoa there, speed racer, I don't need to be picked up in your private jet. I hate flying." Three diamond hookers take the Amtrack Acela, thank you very much.

Practical Ho. That's my motto. Listen, I just don't have time to shave every day, okay? And I have a bit of emotional baggage. I think a five diamond lady should be impeccable both inside and out and that's just not me. I'm working on my issues. So until then, three diamonds it is, take it or leave it.