The Newsroom

I finally got a chance to watch that new HBO show The Newsroom, and I gotta say, what a doozy! Here's my re-cap:

First 1/2 Hour:
(Warning: this first half reeks of pilotjamtoomuchinfoinitis)
Panel discussion - Liberal White Lady and Conservative White Man are very partisan. Old Fashioned Newsman is a centrist, dammit! Whatever happened to the good old days? YELLING ABOUT THE OLD DAYS! When the news was white and the white men read the news with absolutely no political opinion! Kennedy was perfect and the country had no flaws. WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THAT? MORE YELLING. Old Fashioned Newsman tells a Young Blonde Girl in the audience she is dumb. (Coincidentally, creator Aaron Sorkin did a similar thing in an interview about The Newsroom to a lady reporter). YBG is sad. I am bored.


Cut to "3 weeks later". OFN comes back from a vacation where inexplicably no one has been able to get a hold of him to tell him his whole staff left him because he's not as nice as he used to be. SOMEONE'S lost their edge. Strangely enough the tabloids have photos of him on vacation, but his own boss can't reach him by phone, email, fax, text, Twitter, Facebook, hotel phone, etc. Boss also likes to drink. MORE YELLING! They have hired a Lady to take over as Executive Producer.


Lady comes in and MAYBE Lady and OFN have a history? Hmmmmmm? Perhaps? It'll take 25 minutes of arguing about Don Quixote in OFN's office to find out. That happens after Lady gives Young New Girl love advice that sound like it came from a 14 year old girl or 40 something male staff writer. MORE YELLING BETWEEN LADY AND OFN IN HIS OFFICE ABOUT DON QUIXOTE! Or is it Man of La Mancha? HA HA, gotchya! Sexual tension. Symbolism.


But wait! Lady's new staff smells a news story and Quirky Guy has not one, but TWO leads inside Halliburton and BP.


Last 1/2 Hour:
Ok, this is where the show got good. The last part is all about the OFN finding his bearings by ACTUALLY BEING LIKE THOSE OLD TIMEY REPORTERS! The story flows a lot better and is genuinely riveting. I am beginning to like the characters even though some of the acting direction is questionable. THERE'S NO TIME FOR JOKES DURING THE BP OIL SPILL! OFN starts to love his job and life again. He tries to give credit to his staff. Then the sexy time backstory with him and Lady we already knew about gets reiterated. This scene goes on for ten minutes. I let it slide. Credits roll. I'll watch next week.


If you can sit through the uneven first half hour (the pilot runs 70 minutes), I recommend watching this, especially is you're a news whore like me. I'm also quite positive that this is the kind of show Tom Brokaw and Dan Rather will splooge over. But if you want to watch something a little shorter that gets right to the drama, watch this:

Holy Crap

If you haven't already, you need to see this video. It's filmed and directed by a great team of guys who I knew back when they were scrappy kids fresh to New York. One of them worked on a film I was in and we stayed in touch. Eventually he and his friends started their own production company, and they're kicking ass.

This video is for a band called Eytan and the Embassy, and it consists of 18 costume changes in a single take, and it's amazing. Check it out:

Postcards With Some Edge

A comedian friend of mine is working on a pretty awesome new thing which he calls the "Greeting Card Project". In his words:

"I've started a new project involving greeting cards in an attempt to insert absurdity into strangers lives. I go to a pharmacy and buy a bunch of greeting cards. I take them home and sign all of them. I then bring them back and reinsert them on the shelves and leave. If you know anyone who has picked up one of these cards, or just seen one, let me know."

Here's a few of his gems. If you are in Chicago, please look in your local CVS for these:

Rick's Big Announcement

On Friday I was skimming this article in Jezebel about Rick Santorum when I saw a paragraph that piqued my interest [emphasis mine]:

"Rick's Big Announcement (hotdamn that should be an lovemongering illustrated children's book told from the perspective of a little boy who has a big brother named Rick who tells the whole family that he's gay and everyone continues to love and accept him. If you write this book, I will buy it.) was actually about how Santorum, failing to win the GOP nomination for President, has founded his own political club for other people nutty enough to think that Rick Santorum would have been a good President."

Well, if there's anything I like, it's a creative challenge. And besides, Friday was particularly boring. So I wrote that children's book, and I'd like to share it with you fine people.

Rick’s Big Announcement! 

A Story About Love 

Oh boy, today’s Friday! Do you know what that means? 

No, not soccer practice, although that would be keen. 

I have to look nice, so my hair I will comb. 

Because my big brother Rick is coming back home!  

 Rick’s been away at college to study. 

He’s eighteen and I’m eight, but he’s my best buddy. 

Growing up, we’d make trips to the park and build forts, 

We’d play baseball and hockey and every cool sport!  

When Rick went away I was sad and alone, 

But he promised me that very soon he’d be home. 

So after three long months and many letters penned, 

Rick’s about to come back, and he’s bringing a friend! 

My parents are also so thrilled and upbeat, 

Cuz Rick said, “There’s someone special I want you to meet!” 

“I’ll bet you he has a new girlfriend,” Mom told me. 

I don’t really care cuz I think girls are grody. 

Just when I think I can’t wait anymore, 

I hear the sound of the bell at the door! 

I open it up, and it’s Rick back from school, 

Along with a nice young man named Raoul.  

We sit down for dinner and Dad made a steak. 

We eat and we laugh and Mom brings out a cake! 

But before I can grab a big slice from the tray, 

Rick says he had something important to say. 

“I did a lot of thinking while I was away, 

And I now have the courage to announce, I am gay.” 

My Daddy stands up before Rick is done, 

Hugs him and says, “I love you because you are my son.” 

My Mom leans forward and takes Rick’s hand. 

“But what is gay?” I ask. “I don’t understand.” 

Rick smiles and says, “I’ll do the best I can. 

It means that someday I’d like to marry a man.” 

“But you’re still my brother? You still love me, right?” 

Everyone laughs and Rick hugs me tight. 

“I love you my brother, and you’re my best friend. 

Forever on me you can always depend.”  

“We can still make trips to the park and build forts 

And play baseball and hockey and every cool sport!” 

He kisses and squeezes me until my ribs ache. 

I say, “I love you Rick. NOW can we eat cake?” 

The weekend is over, and I’m a bit sad. 

I’m going to miss hanging out with Rick so bad. 

“You’ll see him again very soon,” says my mother. 

And if Rick gets married, I’ll have another brother! The End

I'm Scared Of You. Let's Date.

If you live in New York and take the train, you've likely seen the ads for a new dating site called BadIdea Badoo. The models cast as actual "people" are strange enough, but it's the quotes on the posters of said people's "profiles" that are even more bizarre. Here's the one I saw on the train this morning. I apologize for the blurriness; I'll translate below.

"I want to make sweet music. Try to imagine me beat boxing as you read this. Not because I'm a rapper. Or I can beatbox. But because I'm currently eating a burger. And you'll be able to catch crumbs in your mouth like a baby bird. Don't mention it. I'm just that kind of lady. Hello new people."

What the f@#kity f@#k? So many things about this bother me, but mostly it's because for the rest of the day I'll be stuck with the image of a woman eating a hamburger over a bird-man who is eating her crumb droppings. Anyone else? Anyone? Just me? Here, I'll help. Good luck getting this image out of your head.

Wit and Mitt

It is a quiet afternoon at a Walmart in Washington, DC. Barack Obama is lazily pushing a cart, absentmindedly browsing the array of detergents when a familiar person sidles up next to him.

Romney: 'Sup Barry

Obama: Oh, hey.

Romney: Can I ask you a favor?

Obama: What.

Romney: Can I borrow a dollar?

Obama: What?

Romney: A dollar. Can you spot me a Washington?

Obama: Um, I guess... (hands him a dollar)

Romney: Thanks. There's a special on Pixie Stix, 2 for $0.99.

Obama: That sounds nice.

Romney: I mean, two for the price of one. It's like being a Mormon! Get it? Two wives?

Obama: I have never made light of your religion, Mitt. Now if you'll excuse me, Michelle needs me to get some paper towels.

Romney: You know what WE have Barry?

Obama: No.

Romney: Guess.

Obama: No, please don't make me.

Romney: Go on. Guess. (Nudges his head towards aisle 3)

Obama: Ladies undergarments?

Romney: But they're MAGIC.

Obama: Oh, come on, I'm tired of hearing you make jokes about your own religion! You are such a self hating Mormon! Now if you'll let me continue shopping, I have a very busy day.

Romney: Ok. Just answer me one more thing.

Obama: UGH ok WHAT?

Romney: (holding up a neon jumpsuit) Does this jumpsuit make me look like I didn't acknowledge black people until 1978?

Obama: No, it makes you look fat.

Romney: R...really? (lowers the jumpsuit). I was just teasing is all. Having a little fun. Having a laugh - a chortle.

Obama: Well, you need to stop these shenanigans and start taking this campaign seriously.

Romney: I guess you're right.

Obama: Fatass.

Romney: I heard that.