In the spirit of April Fools Day tomorrow, you might want to check this prank out- it's a reverse prank to a telemarketer:
A day by day and often hourly account of a temp
In the spirit of April Fools Day tomorrow, you might want to check this prank out- it's a reverse prank to a telemarketer:
So just in case you might want to be super nice to your IT guy tomorrow. There may or may not be some crazy virus in your computer already. I did the scan and I am clean, and now I feel like I've just left the dentist with no cavities.
As I was at the gym this morning, working my hot body, I noticed on the news that hundreds of workers at the Caterpillar company in France took their bosses hostage after news of proposed layoffs. Honestly, that sounds like another Victor Hugo novel inspired Broadway Musical. Who knows, maybe it will be.
Today's Bitch Slap Award goes to Katherine Heigl! She was recently quoted about doing TV and movies, saying, "I'm more than happy to make that compromise. As my agent likes to say, 'High-class problems.' I don't know if I want to continue for five years working 12 months a year, but I can take at least another year or two."
LilKim2thaJ (1:46:21 PM): Haaaay! Is this Defense Sec'y Rob Gates?
LilKim2thaJ (1:46:38 PM): It's me, Kim Jong ILLIN hahhahahha
DefSecyR_Gates (1:46:48 PM): oh hi again
LilKim2thaJ (1:48:08 PM): whaddap?
DefSecyR_Gates (1:53:34 PM): u tell me.
LilKim2thaJ (1:55:36 PM): HHA LOLOLOLOLOLOLOZZZZZZ1111!!!!! Is this about that missile I mean SATELLITE ha
DefSecyR_Gates (2:03:45 PM): oh jeez
LilKim2thaJ (2:05:21 PM): c'mon u kno I won't do anything BAD
DefSecyR_Gates (2:10:09 PM): Mr. Jong Il,
LilKim2thaJ (2:12:49 PM): Lil Kim pleeze
DefSecyR_Gates (2:18:29 PM): Sir
DefSecyR_Gates (2:40:30 PM): really
LilKim2thaJ (2:42:52 PM): I love her muuusic
DefSecyR_Gates (2:43:59 PM): Sir, respectfully
LilKim2thaJ (2:44:40 PM): whaddap with C Brown and Rihanna? That sux. I like hers tuff
LilKim2thaJ (2:46:04 PM): I mean her stuff
DefSecyR_Gates (2:49:16 PM): Mr. Jong I
LilKim2thaJ (2:51:27 PM): Lil Kim
DefSecyR_Gates (3:05:19 PM): ok Lil Kim
LilKim2thaJ (3:08:05 PM): Sir Lil Kim
DefSecyR_Gates (3:13:13 PM): Oh Jesus
LilKim2thaJ (3:15:34 PM): No, Sir Lil Kim
DefSecyR_Gates (3:20:05 PM): Sir Lil Kim,
LilKim2thaJ (3:23:35 PM): yes Bobby
DefSecyR_Gates (3:24:22 PM): seriously irf its a missile we will shoot it down
LilKim2thaJ (3:47:56 PM): it's not a missile.
LilKim2thaJ (3:48:56 PM): "It's not a tumor" ahhhah did u see that one the movie where your Governor of Cali is a kindergarten cop
LilKim2thaJ (3:49:56 PM): I love that movei
LilKim2thaJ (3:50:56 PM): u guys make good movies
DefSecyR_Gates signed off at 9:18:08 AM
Holy nutb#@%s. This story is all over right now.
Wow. Wow. I don't know what to say. Morrissey was fantastic last night. There's a reason that man is a living legend. He opened up with This Charming Man and it just got better and better from there.
I don't understand how these people can run a many million dollar hedge fund, but can't successfully pass around a wedding card to be signed without my help.
Someone has too much time on their hands! Oh, wait- that's me.
So I am going to see Morrissey live at Carnegie Hall tonight! Boy am I excited. I've got my "going out" clothes in my bag right now because when you hit Carnegie Hall you have to do it right. I'm pretty sure the crowd is going to be full of aging hipsters, or as I like to call them, My People. And now, a little something for you all:
Stop. Just stop what you're doing. Go onto BadPaintingsofBarackObama.com.
On the subject of bad taste, let's talk about a few things that happened this week (these are true):
I'm sorry, just when I thought Portia DeRossi couldn't get any hotter, she had to go ahead and do this.
I personally am not the biggest fan of Twitter, but reading the celeb's updates are always a good time. Right now I'm following John Mayer, Ashton Kutcher and Heidi Montag. But no one- no one beats the person who is behind Christopher Walken's Twitter page. Unlike the others, this is clearly not him. Sadly, John, Heidi and Ashton's are real.
The story of the Brazilian Wandering Spider, the deadliest spider in the world that was found in a Whole Foods in Tulsa, as told by a comedian:
Today as I was walking my dog I looked up and saw remnants of old birds nests in almost every tree on my street. It was really beautiful and I was shocked at how many there were. This is either a reminder that you should always look up every once in a while and marvel at mother nature, or just another sign that my neighborhood is terribly popular.
According to a source on the internet, Osama Bin Laden had released another message. Here is the translation from Al Jazeera, the Arabic language news network, which was dropped off by a really tall, lanky guy pushing a dialysis machine and brandishing a resume.
I don't know why I found this headline so funny. Maybe it's because they voted her off BECAUSE she's a single mother. But seriously did anyone watch that? What do you think about this whole "sing one last time and we'll maybe but probably not save you"? I know they're just keeping that card around for Simon's girlfriend Megan. I swear, when she sings and she twists her torso around and her limp arms fly, she looks just like one of those drum things Mr. Miyagi gives Daniel in Karate Kid 2: Escape to Okinawa.
Who throws a cat at someone? Who? This bitch.
And now, a recap of last night's American Idol.
Dear guy next door,
Palin4Pres2012 (10:51:51 AM): Who's that?
TheMacAttack (10:53:07 AM): Oh, hi Sarah
Palin4Pres2012 (10:54:12 AM): McCain?
TheMacAttack (10:57:36 AM): Yeah
Palin4Pres2012 (10:58:47 AM): Hi!
TheMacAttack (11:00:24 AM): Hey
Palin4Pres2012 (11:02:56 AM): Wow
TheMacAttack (11:04:24 AM): yeah
Palin4Pres2012 (11:05:19 AM): LOL
TheMacAttack (11:06:46 AM): just learning how to use this thing
Palin4Pres2012 (11:08:05 AM): it's fun!
TheMacAttack (11:10:31 AM): I'm also on the Twatter
Palin4Pres2012 (11:13:41 AM): u mean Twitter
TheMacAttack (11:14:49 AM): ???
TheMacAttack (11:23:20 AM): oh whoops
Palin4Pres2012 (11:34:41 AM): hahahha
TheMacAttack (11:36:40 AM): so how ru
Palin4Pres2012 (11:38:59 AM): GREAT!
TheMacAttack (11:42:24 AM): oh right heard about that
TheMacAttack (11:50:26 AM): sorry I really thought it would work
Palin4Pres2012 (11:50:30 AM): ya
TheMacAttack (11:50:37 AM): LBYB
Palin4Pres2012 (11:51:35 AM): what's that?
TheMacAttack (11:57:15 AM): nothing
Palin4Pres2012 (11:58:46 AM): no that's Laughing Behind Yer Back
TheMacAttack (12:00:21 PM): no it's not
Palin4Pres2012 (12:02:49 PM): yes it is
TheMacAttack (12:03:33 PM): no it's not it's Look Babe You're Beautiful
Palin4Pres2012 (12:03:57 PM): oh… hahahhahah!!!! Thx!
TheMacAttack (12:04:00 PM): haha
TheMacAttack (12:04:05 PM): well anyway, gotta go twat
Palin4Pres2012 (12:05:46 PM): WHAT?
TheMacAttack (12:06:15 PM): I mean tweet
Palin4Pres2012 (12:06:21 PM): hahahah coolz cu later!!!
Palin4Pres2012 (12:06:29 PM): byee!
TheMacAttack signed off at 12:07:14 PM.
Ok, since I only got a response about the movie project AFTER I left work, I couldn't do the script, ok? And now that my online Scrabble partner is back at work today, I might be extremely distracted after I do the 2 hours of "me time" work so hold your horses. In the interim, happy St. Patrick's Day. Let's get s@#tcanned.
Hey guys- check this out. I have a new game. If you give me a small synopsis of a short film you'd like to see, put it in the comments section and by the end of the day I will have written a script and posted it here. Original ideas only, please.
This weekend I got one of those ridiculous scammer emails but normally I can tolerate the Nigerian prince one because, well, it's just silly. But this one was so wrong for so many reasons:
I almost live blogged from the post office line from my iPhone but for some reason the line went extremely fast. I had no idea the 3G network also worked on post office lines.
Well this is... interesting.
Well this is really awkward- did you hear Bristol and Levi broke up a month or so ago? It's official. Watching this recent interview now where Sarah Palin happens to quite literally take over the spotlight, and her daughter's pained reaction to some brutally honest answers is pretty awful. Enjoy!
Hey guys, I found this hilarious article from 8 years ago all about how Bernie Madoff makes all his money!
So a long time ago I joined Twitter even though I really don't get it but apparently it's the only way to contact anyone on CNN and everyone loves it. I never use it but then Raymi joined and so I went to see who she "follows" and Heidi Montag was among hers so I went ahead and "followed" Heidi and now this bitch won't stop talking about three things: parties, skin care products and the lord.
Can someone please buy me these for Hawaii? They're flip flops with a place to stash your Adderall.
Wow. Somebody just Google searched this and it lead to my blog:
According to Dial Idol, Jorge Nunez will be the first to go tonight. Hey, the Puerto Rican thing didn't work for Tatiana, I don't know why he thinks he'll get a free ride. Sorry, dude. Now I actually didn't watch it last night but I'm guessing it went something like this.
I'm sorry, what?
No, Bosslady, no I don't think a trip to a karaoke bar would be a good office wedding shower location. We all are aged in ranges from early 30's to mid 50's, none of us really hang out together and, oh, you couldn't handle the heat that would radiate from me.
So I finally got an iPhone. Yes. Yes, thank you. Thank you. My wonderful friends bought it for me. I know. Thank you. Yes, you can all take your seats now. Thank you for that rousing applause of "welcome to the World of The Now". It was weird giving up my rotary phone with the cord, not lugging it around anymore... Now I've got this crazy machine. I already love it more than I could a human baby.
I had an amazing weekend! Thanks for asking! I had a ridiculously fun party on Saturday and my incredible friends gave me an iPhone! I'm finally in the 21st century. I also got a Barcak Obama action figure, a Kenneth Cole bag and these high end ear buds that not only give you the option of different sizes for you ear canal, but in between uses it actually does your dishes. But Sunday was pretty special too- some friends and I got all super dressed up, and I even got my nails did. Then we went to this gorgeous new place called Clover Club, which we affectionately call Cloverfield after that horrible monster that destroys New York, although this place was a lot nicer and less violent than the movie. And the pièce de résistance was dinner at an old neighborhood Italian standby, Marco Polo. Let's just say my meal got tossed in a gigantic cheese wheel- it just doesn't get any better than that.
So not only will I be staying in a LGBT/nudist resort in Hawaii, but the weekend we're there the resort is hosting guests and their dogs for an AKC dog show. I wonder if the dogs will be gay.
OK people, let's talk Tatiana, shall we? Who else watched American Idol last night and was like, seriously? Faking an accent just to get Jorge Nunez creds? That lady had no accent whatsoever for weeks and all of a sudden last night she sounded like she just learned English. Watch these snippets from after Hollywood week, and then last night.
This just happened:
So when we go to Hawaii, not only are we staying at a LGBT resort, thanks to my drunk sister who bid on it at a charity auction but had no idea what the place was, but apparently it is also "clothing optional".
Hey my co-workers pulled a fast one on me! Since it's another girl's birthday tomorrow and there is the "monthly office meeting" the first Tues. of every month (which I don't have to go to, thank you very much), they've been talking about just celebrating both our birthday's on Tuesday. But then they threw me a little surprise party!
If you get a chance to watch this, this is AMAZING. These anchors have been working together for a long time. Apparently they've found ways to keep work interesting:
So I got an early gift on Saturday from my sister. Let me just go back for a bit- a few weeks ago she was at a benefit and won at 3 night stay at the penthouse suite of this fancy hotel in HAWAII. AND she's paying for airfare. Shut up! It's gonna be super sweet. It's a 1,000 square foot penthouse with a private lanai and a jacuzzi, across the street from a private 4 mile white sand beach, free champagne, massages, etc. Wow.
Hey guys! Thanks for the birthday ecards! As promised I would be posting the creative cards my friends have made me and here's some I received: