There's nothing better than a music video about the band making a music video. Nothing. Thanks, Patientboy.
A day by day and often hourly account of a temp
There's nothing better than a music video about the band making a music video. Nothing. Thanks, Patientboy.
Should I take pictures of my dog with Santa this year or should I just drink a bottle of whiskey and cry while putting my dog in human clothes and contemplate freezing my ovaries? Or both?
Ladies and gentlemen, JesseCam rides again.
I received this cell phone shaped mint tin from a company that apparently wanted to both tell me about their company and inform me that I needed a breath mint.
It's always awkward when you know someone and they're in another state about to get married and then you receive an email that has the subject line, "EMERGENCY" and it's all about how he has just moved back to NY and needs a roommate ASAP, isn't it?
Today's featured Person You'll Learn About When You Google "Medical Oddities" is the smallest woman in the world, Jyoti Amge. She is 15:
I was having a conversation this weekend about Google Street View, and some of the funny things that have been captured. It's definitely worth a look.
Oh man, today is gonna be a touch busy. Some news came out about us for some reason or something and we're in like ALL these papers today and stuff and reporters are calling me and I'm all, "You never ask me about me. How I feel." All I gotta say is if the Post calls I'd like to talk to that one guy who reviewed my show.
Does anyone else get a physical reaction from this song? And I'm not talking about the one you're supposed to have. Thanks Katie for making me find this.
LiebermanJ4Obama (12:16:55 PM): Hey! Al G that you?
GlblWrmngIsBad (12:17:01 PM): yes
LiebermanJ4Obama (12:17:42 PM): whattap?
LiebermanJ4Obama (12:17:45 PM): haaaaaaaaaaaaaay
GlblWrmngIsBad (12:17:53 PM): hello
LiebermanJ4Obama (12:17:54 PM): remember 8 years ago
LiebermanJ4Obama (12:17:58 PM): freaking REPUBLICANS we showed them LOL
LiebermanJ4Obama (12:18:10 PM): such jerks u know
LiebermanJ4Obama (12:18:15 PM): so glad I'm a dem like u
LiebermanJ4Obama (12:18:21 PM): ran a BAAAAAAAAD campaign so neg
GlblWrmngIsBad (12:18:21 PM): yes I know. I saw you speak at their convention.
LiebermanJ4Obama (12:18:56 PM): oh man that? Just playing 'round no one got the joke haha
LiebermanJ4Obama (12:19:07 PM): so crazy
LiebermanJ4Obama (12:19:11 PM): that Palin lady is def not qualified
GlblWrmngIsBad (12:21:15 PM): Oh I'm sorry I was under the impression you supported them
LiebermanJ4Obama (12:21:44 PM): right wing media lies and so not true- I'm a proud dem- why else would Pres Elect Obama hang w/me
GlblWrmngIsBad (12:21:53 PM): sure, everyone deserves redemption
LiebermanJ4Obama (12:22:01 PM): totes! Whatevs, I'm just so proud to be with the winners
LiebermanJ4Obama (12:22:07 PM): we're winnerzzzzz!!!
GlblWrmngIsBad (12:22:09 PM): yes
GlblWrmngIsBad (12:35:01 PM): winners
LiebermanJ4Obama (1:00:00 PM): hahhaha
GlblWrmngIsBad (1:00:30 PM): howws the environment
GlblWrmngIsBad (1:00:33 PM): still warm?
LiebermanJ4Obama (4:09:32 PM): Yes
GlblWrmngIsBad (4:09:46 PM): LOLZZZZZZ!!!!11!!!
Whoa you guys, what a morning!!! I went to the Lady Doctor and got my mysterious lady parts felt up, and then I came into work to find that a future stalker called the office five time looking for me to ask, "DID SHE GET MY EMAIL ABOUT MY RESUME?!? I SENT AN EMAIL!!!" Man, I'm pooped. I actually have a slightly busy day today. But the best part about this morning was when the receptionist typed in "beast" instead of "breast". Don't worry you guys- my beasts are wonderful.
Wow. Watch this. I'd feel bad for the guy but he is an arrogant narcissistic unapologetic douchebag, you know the kind who takes a metaphorical shit in the middle of the room and then expects everyone else to clean it up? "Whoa, some people don't like me." Well, some people can politely deal with the fact that you don't take any responsibility for your actions but the rest of us sort of have a problem with this whole reckless war you started based on lies without apology and the economy and all. So no, you took that shit; go roll in it. I, like these other world leaders, like to surround myself with better company, thank you. If you have a problem with that perhaps you should take a good hard look at yourself as to why.
This is why I hate flying.
You guys, JesseCam was such a hit, I might have to do it again. Not too often, though, because he needs his privacy- I will keep you posted.
I was just having a conversation with somebody about the Fleshlight, the sex toys for males. They come in many styles, including this pack of four aptly entitled, "Pink Stealth, Mouth, Lady and Butt". Doesn't that sound like a crime fighting team or a new cartoon quartet? Look out Inky, Blinky, Pinky and Clyde. There are new sheriff's in town.
Whoop whoop RAPTURE ALERT! Okay you guys so the blogosphere is all, talking about how Obama might be the anti-Christ. Thankfully we have one man on the site who's thinking with a clear head! The blue comments are my inner thoughts.
In a recent interview, Britney "Unfitney" Spears was quoted as saying about her life,"I have really good days, and then I have bad days. Even when you go to jail, y'know, there's the time when you're gonna get out. But in this situation, it's never-ending. It's just like 'Groundhog Day' every day. [There's] no excitement, there's no passion. I think it's too in-control."
Oh, did I mention to anyone that I found a bag of strong, stinky weed on my way home last night and I took it and I'm going to give it to my co-worker? I stopped smoking after a I OD'd on a hash brownie a few years ago. It's so strong I had to wrap the bag in many many bags and put it in a cookie jar and my apartment still smells like a dorm room.
OK so for those of you who are interested, I am getting home at approx 6:45-6:50 and if you watch JesseCam I will say hi.
The following is not a joke. First, this sketch Barack Obama made of his co-workers just sold for a lot of money on eBay:
Not to be outdone by puppy cam, and just as an experiment, I present to you, live streaming video of my dog (FYI he goes between the couch and the bed so you have a 50% chance of catching him):
God, I'm bored. What should I do?
Someone this weekend turned me on to the Church Sign Generator. Needless to say, I won't be getting any work done today.
If there already weren't enough reasons to want to have sex with Jon Stewart:
Here's a news story for you: A woman filed for divorce because her husband's avatar was cheating on her avatar in an online game.
"Amy Taylor, 28, said her three-year marriage to David Pollard, 40, came to an end when she twice walked in on him watching his online character, Dave Barmy, having sex with other virtual women.
Second Life enables players to create online lives in which their virtual alter ego, or avatar, can socialize, develop relationships, buy property and set up businesses in an imagined world using the game's virtual currency.
The couple met in an internet chatroom in 2003 and married in real life and in a fantasy tropical setting in Second Life.
However, Taylor always had suspicions about Pollard's online loyalty. At one point she hired a virtual detective to test whether his avatar was cheating on her, after finding him at the computer watching his character having sex with a prostitute.
Pollard passed that honeytrap test but earlier this year Taylor found his character in a compromising position with another virtual woman.
'He confessed he'd been talking to this woman player in America for one or two weeks and said our marriage was over and he didn't love me any more,' said Taylor, who filed for divorce the next day."
The couple in real life:
Turns out the puppies are a huge internet sensation.
You guys I am so excited about the GROINSTRONG-A-THONG fundraiser tonight!!! I bought hot pink plowers to put in my hair that's how excited I am. Here's the prizes I'm raffling off:
Ladies and gentlemen, puppy cam. Live puppies. All day.
Recently Arkansas passed an initiative that bans people who are “cohabitating outside a valid marriage” from serving as foster parents or adopting children. In other words, gay people cannot adopt.
I'm going away this weekend and my friend is going to watch my dog. I love my friend for many reasons but last night took the cake when I came home to her email:
Below are 50 facts about Barack Obama. Totally true- no editing.
Okay, hold the freaking phone. It's bad enough that Mormon's spent all their time and money scaring people into voting against same sex marriage, but now the Mormons are posthumously baptizing dead Jews. I could not even make this up if I tried; it's despicable. Their rationale is that based on genealogy if anyone happens to be even slightly related to a living Mormon, they must baptize them posthumously so that they may meet in the afterlife, and apparently their "Jewishness" is not altered.
BushThe43st (10:15:03 AM): hi!
BushThe43st (10:15:10 AM): was soooooooo great seeing u yesterday
BushThe43st (10:15:15 AM): your family is gorgeous!
BushThe43st (10:15:21 AM): had a grt chat
PresidentElectObama (10:19:22 AM): Mr. President, it was an honor and pleasure. Thank you for your hospitality.
BushThe43st (10:19:39 AM): OMG it was nothing!
BushThe43st (10:19:44 AM): so great to have u
BushThe43st (10:19:54 AM): Laura's a fan
PresidentElectObama (10:20:08 AM): She is lovely. Send her my best.
BushThe43st (10:20:16 AM): kno what?
BushThe43st (10:20:33 AM):
PresidentElectObama (10:20:37 AM): Ha ha. LOL.
BushThe43st (10:20:42 AM): u are!
BushThe43st (10:20:46 AM): Do u have any more questions for me? Just fire away.
PresidentElectObama (10:21:04 AM): No, but if I think of any I will definitely let you know.
PresidentElectObama (10:21:10 AM): actually, I do have one.
BushThe43st (10:21:18 AM): shoot!
PresidentElectObama (10:21:22 AM): How late is the kitchen open? I do my best thinking at night and I usually like to steal some cookies.
PresidentElectObama (10:21:26 AM): don't tell Michelle!
BushThe43st (10:21:30 AM): hmmmmmmmmmmmm
BushThe43st (10:21:33 AM): dunno
BushThe43st (10:21:38 AM): I usually am in bed by 8
BushThe43st (10:21:45 AM): Mr. Cheney sez I can't get up unless gotta go
PresidentElectObama (10:22:28 AM): OK well thank you
BushThe43st (10:22:41 AM): can I ask you something?
PresidentElectObama (10:22:49 AM): Anything, Sir.
BushThe43st (10:24:08 AM): u feel like starting early?
BushThe43st (10:24:12 AM): u kno as president. just a thought PresidentElectObama (10:30:31 AM): Sir, very funny. ROTFLMAO.
BushThe43st (10:30:46 AM): I'm serious, Bar.
BushThe43st (10:30:52 AM): I can make a law that sez you start tomorrow
PresidentElectObama (10:30:57 AM): Sir, I am honored but will have to respectfully decline
PresidentElectObama (10:30:58 AM): I am still a citizen
BushThe43st (10:30:59 AM): no seriously, I can make a law
BushThe43st (10:31:06 AM): play yr cards right and I'll give u an amendment
PresidentElectObama (10:31:09 AM): you can't really do that. You do know, and I know you do, that first the legislature has to pass an act
BushThe43st (10:31:12 AM): done. I made a law that says I can do that
PresidentElectObama (10:31:25 AM): with all due respect I don't think you can just do that
BushThe43st (10:31:28 AM): oh, I just did
PresidentElectObama (10:31:32 AM): sir, again, I appreciate the offer but I personally need some time as well to transition
BushThe43st (10:31:35 AM): oh, I brought it!
PresidentElectObama (10:31:35 AM): I don't have a team yet
BushThe43st (10:31:43 AM): I brought the pain
PresidentElectObama (10:31:47 AM): Sir, please tell me you are joking
BushThe43st (10:31:49 AM): guess what?
BushThe43st (10:31:52 AM): I have sent the military to pick u up and bring u here- captain's orders
PresidentElectObama (10:32:01 AM): there's a helicopter landing on my lawn. Sir, please, I am asking you kindly- please finish your term
BushThe43st (10:32:20 AM): lallallalla can't hear u!
BushThe43st (10:32:25 AM): I'm gonna miss this
I found the word CETERA in Facebook's Word Twist and now this song is in my head. Who's the creepy stalker in the Bauhaus shirt? Oh, right:
So President Elect Barack Obama will be meeting with President George Bush today at the White House for a tour. Below is the a transcript of the secret phone conversation the two had when Bush extended the invite:
Palin4Pres2012 (9:54:18 AM): hey that U?????????
Palin4Pres2012 (9:54:28 AM): senator Stevens!!!
iLikePresents1923 (9:54:31 AM): oh hey Sarah welcome back
Palin4Pres2012 (9:54:34 AM): HI! So good to be back
iLikePresents1923 (9:54:39 AM): yes, sorry about the election but you handled yourself very well
Palin4Pres2012 (9:54:39 AM): aw thx!
Palin4Pres2012 (9:54:46 AM): everyonez been great except for the press
iLikePresents1923 (9:54:47 AM): yes they can be nasyt
iLikePresents1923 (9:54:49 AM): nasty
Palin4Pres2012 (9:54:49 AM): hahha
Palin4Pres2012 (9:54:56 AM): LOLOLOLOLOZZZZZ!!!
Palin4Pres2012 (9:55:03 AM): hey so
Palin4Pres2012 (9:55:19 AM): heard about the felony charges
iLikePresents1923 (9:55:19 AM): yes well the people have spoken
iLikePresents1923 (9:55:23 AM): u know, still a Senator
Palin4Pres2012 (9:55:27 AM): hahah!
Palin4Pres2012 (9:55:33 AM): I kno- that goodness 4 your supporters!
Palin4Pres2012 (9:55:40 AM): it would stink if u had to go to jail tho
Palin4Pres2012 (9:55:42 AM): hey sorry about the whole "I think you should step down" thing- they made me say that, the McCain peeps
Palin4Pres2012 (9:55:49 AM): u kno- also made me buy the clothes- GAAAAH like I'd ever shop at Neiman Marcus for realz
Palin4Pres2012 (9:55:53 AM): but anyway
Palin4Pres2012 (9:55:55 AM): what do u planning on doing now?
Palin4Pres2012 (9:55:57 AM): u know- in case you have to step down
iLikePresents1923 (9:55:57 AM): I am standing my ground
iLikePresents1923 (9:55:59 AM): have an appeal out u kno
iLikePresents1923 (9:56:03 AM): will wait to see the will of God and my people
Palin4Pres2012 (9:56:06 AM): totes!
iLikePresents1923 (9:56:08 AM): I assume,e I have your support
Palin4Pres2012 (9:56:11 AM): does a moose wear a hunting vest?
Palin4Pres2012 (9:56:25 AM): hahhahahhah!
iLikePresents1923 (9:56:26 AM): actually, no. No Sarah, a moose does not wear a hunting vest.
Palin4Pres2012 (9:56:30 AM): thatz funny- a moose in a vest
iLikePresents1923 (9:57:44 AM): but wait- are you saying I don't have yr support?
iLikePresents1923 (9:57:46 AM): Gov. Palin I don't like to believe the press but they are saying u want my job
iLikePresents1923 (9:57:47 AM): is that true?
iLikePresents1923 (9:57:49 AM): I need yr support- u kno I belong here
Palin4Pres2012 (9:57:50 AM): That vest would have to be all furry!
iLikePresents1923 (9:57:55 AM): Gov. Palin, please…
Palin4Pres2012 (9:57:58 AM): i am soooooooooooooo picturing that moose LOL
iLikePresents1923 (9:58:02 AM): Um, I am uncomfortable with the direction of this conversation
Palin4Pres2012 (9:58:37 AM): Why? Of course I support ya!!!
iLikePresents1923 (9:58:51 AM): oh thank goodness. Thank u
Palin4Pres2012 (9:59:05 AM): I'll support ya like a moose in a vest!
iLikePresents1923 (9:59:51 AM): ono here we go again
Palin4Pres2012 (10:00:06 AM): Gotta go!!!
Palin4Pres2012 signed off at 10:00:06 AM
So there is a line around the block of my building of hundreds of well dressed, upscale people with briefcases. Turns out there is a job fair next door. Oy. And if that's not bad enough, I found out that after they take your resume you get free bread.
So apparently, Sarah Palin had a concession speech prepared even though the VP traditionally does not speak on election night, which most people know but that didn't stop her. I have here the actual speech. You can click on the image for a larger view.
It has recently been brought to light that Sarah Palin is actually more ignorant than she originally let on. According to McCain aides, she thought Africa was a country, not a continent.
THE FUNNIEST thing just happened.
It is a lovely day at the Stop 'n Shop.
I had a dream last night that Americans actually turned out and voted. I woke up to find that this was true. I am so happy this morning but a little sad at the same time- could it be that in the past people were so disenchanted with their government in the past that they just didn't vote and that's how we've ended up with Major Dickhead for the last 8 years? Yes, yes they did. But then came Barack Obama. A man who had all of the cards against him- he has a very different (and "scary" to some) name, a busted middle name that for years symbolized fear, he is an African American, and he is young. And in droves people came out to vote for him. Because for the first time in a long time people actually believed that he could make a difference.
OK I AM OFFICIALLY FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW.
Hey guys! Today, besides being Markie Post's birthday, it was pointed out to me that it is also election day. That's right- it's time to get out and vote for your next president, among others. I've heard a lot of back and forth about some difficulties at the polls, so I've come up with a few tips to make voting easier for you.
McCainCampaignAid2008 (10:33:47 AM): Ms. Palin? That you?
Palin2012 (10:34:00 AM): Haaaaaaaaaaaaaay Don!
McCainCampaignAid2008 (10:34:15 AM): Ms. Palin, u need 2 be in
Palin2012 (10:34:30 AM): I'm votin' in
McCainCampaignAid2008 (10:34:41 AM): Ms. Palin, I see that you are in DC
Palin2012 (10:34:51 AM): Just getting' the vote out!
Palin2012 (10:35:03 AM): lotsa campaingers
McCainCampaignAid2008 (10:35:15 AM): Ma'am you need to be in
Palin2012 (10:35:23 AM): aw ya kno I totes talked 2 John- dunno if I can make it
McCainCampaignAid2008 (10:35:49 AM): excuse me?
Palin2012 (10:36:14 AM): prolly not 2 nite- gotta talk ta some Americans!
McCainCampaignAid2008 (10:36:42 AM): Ms. Palin, are you trying to distance yourself fm the party?
Palin2012 (10:36:46 AM): What? Can't hear ya! Yer crackin' up!
McCainCampaignAid2008 (10:36:57 AM): Ms. Palin, this is an IM conversation
Palin2012 (10:37:05 AM): tha screen's all crackly!
Palin2012 (10:37:15 AM): gotta go do some more campaignin
McCainCampaignAid2008 (10:37:27 AM): Ms. Palin, the Senator expects to see you in
Palin2012 (10:39:11 AM): what?
Palin2012 (10:39:14 AM): darn internets!
Palin2012 went idle at 10:39:24 AM