Are You Smarter Than An American Idol Contestant?
This is Kelly Pickler from American Idol "fame". This is your brain on bleach. Any questions?
A day by day and often hourly account of a temp
This is Kelly Pickler from American Idol "fame". This is your brain on bleach. Any questions?
So I'm perusing the NYtimes.com today when I read a review about this movie called Protagonist. It's a documentary about four men who each have a strong cause they believe in. Featured is Hans Klein, a career criminal. I seriously thought they used an old picture of Bush. Look at the resemblance! It's scary.
I went to my uncle's house in Queens the other day and check out his tree!
And this is how mommy and daddy met:
Okay, so I've been asked to plan the company Christmas party and by "plan" I mean "call the caterer" and by "Christmas" I mean "Hanukkah" as almost everyone here is Jewish.
For those of you who don't know, I love power tools.
My co-workers get pissed at me when I don't sign on to IM. But the thing is, I hate IM. The only thing it's good for is to make a snide comment about someone in the office. Plus I'm like, two feet away from you. And the screen pops up when I'm in the middle of things and I have to respond or I'll never hear the end of it.
And now, behind the scenes of tonight's Republican candidates YouTube debate:
Oh, no. The first ever death-by-cellphone explosion has just happened. And it's not spy-related either. Check it out:
Do you guys ever watch Lou Dobbs on CNN? He's the guy who hates George Bush and immigrants. I love his show because he really tells it like it is. The best part is his little lackey Jack Cafferty, an ex-Fox turned CNN anchor/commentator/badass. Whenever Dobbs can't really get his point across, he always just throws it to Cafferty, the Robin Quivers to his Howard Stern.
"Reor! Rowreor!!!" sizzle, pop "Meo-OREOOOOOW!" crackle, hiss
Okay you pervs, as per your votes, I'm going to write a haiku about my sister's boobs.
As most of you know, my favorite ecard site ever is someecards.com. They always have the best cards for almost every occasion.
Happy 100 year anniversary, brassiere! According to the news, the bra was officially given its name by the masterminds at Vogue 100 years ago. It's about time people stopped calling it "The Barrier Thingee That Gets Between Me And My Girlfriend's Sweet Titties". For your viewing pleasure, I found the first ever blueprint:
Okay, it takes a lot to impress me (that's not true), but I'll tells ya, this thing does:
After purchasing $230 worth of new flatware at Crate & Barrel with the company card, I went to the kitchen to arrange said flatware. In walks Recently Engaged Woman.
If you could ask a question during the CNN YouTube debates starring the Republican presidential candidates this week what would you ask?
A girl in my office just got engaged! Her ring is really big and kind of looks like this:
Since a scratch and sniff post is out of the question, I thought I'd do something almost as interactive. A musical homage to today's CuteOverload.com. Please turn on the volume of your computer, click the play button below on the box that says "Digital Media Converter Trial Version Please Register", and scroll down slowly. Enjoy.
My boss getting her hair blown out and make up done for the live via satellite spot she has to do soon from the TV studio the network built for her in our office. Also, a friend of mine just emailed me to say CNBC just said "Live! From [Tempy's office]!"
Man, I loves me some Wall Street in the morning. Especially waiting outside on line with 30 other middle aged office workers furiously glancing at note cards. You know what's better than that? Being herded like cattle into a huge, taupe room, getting fingerprinted and given a scantron form. Oh, and even better is finding out that the test is a lot harder than you and everyone else you spent the whole day at the Holiday Inn conference room with thought. Luckily I studied a lot and used my reasonable knowledge of the law to answer most of the questions so I did well. Oh, here was one:
I just found out I am going to see this:
What with this writers strike and Broadway stagehand strike going on it's tough out there. You never hear of a banker strike or a lawyer strike. Always the artistic ones and teachers who have something to say. Not that I don't support the unions; I am in one. But I heard of this jackass story in the Post today. It makes both sides look horrendous- check it: so the stagehands say they'd let "The Grinch" on Broadway play, because it's a limited run and it's Christmas, dammnit. But the theater was like, seriously? Go fuck yourselves. So they held a press conference and had the little girl who plays Cindy Lou Who speak and she said, "I want to work. I like to hear clapping." Jesus Christ. She then burst into tears and her mom carried her off. Then she grew up to be spoiled and annoying.
In a dank supply room in the basement of the Venetian Hotel.
Overheard on the casino floor the day before the democratic debates in Vegas:
Well, tomorrow I am off to learn how to be a notary public. This has been on my desk for weeks:
This is real. She isn't lip-syncing. The only thing more amazing than the performance are the subtitles.
I just found out that the notary class I am being forced to take tomorrow has a free continental breakfast at 7:30 AM. I cannot wait.
So I was at one of my favorite neighborhood restaurants last night when I saw Mary Stuart Masterson with her friends at the next table. You know her- she's one of those actresses you're like, "Oh, who is she again?" She was in a lot of movies, including the hilarious teen flick, Fried Green Tomatoes. Here she is in Benny and Joon with that guy from 21 Jump Street:
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! So I paid my phone bill online yesterday and I got an email saying that they were having computer errors so the payment wouldn't go through, so then I just paid by phone (I just forgot to pay the previous bill and wanted to get it all done so I'd have no service interruptions because I am so popular), and then I get this text message from my phone company that in effect said, "Whoops- we overcharged you! We'll return the money in the next 3 business days" so I go online to my bank and I was charged THREE TIMES! No, it's okay, because I am made of money, but it's just so darned wacky!
Oh, tomorrow, people. Tomorrow is the season premiere of Project Runway, the best show ever.
Here you go:
In the last hour I:
You see, this is why I don't go on cruises. Another virus has infected a hapless group of vacation-goers. This time, it's called the "norovirus" and according to Janice Okubo, spokeswoman for the Hawaii Department of Health, it, "is one of the common viruses we've been seeing on cruise lines. Most of the time, people recover."
Today's Tool Of The Week Award goes to Danish "Environmentalist" Bjørn Lomborg. First of all, his name has a slashed "O", but I'm not one to make fun of culture.
So yesterday I took my dog to the park for a little ball chasing. For some reason I decided to put on my pink ballet flats that morning, maybe because they take the least effort to slip on. So I'm kicking the ball, and my dog goes after it, and we're doing this for a while. Now the one thing to know about my dog park is that it is a piece of crap. That is to say the ground is all concrete and there are places where the concrete is broken and raised. And I guess I wasn't paying attention because I didn't notice that there was a patch of said concrete right where I was to kick the ball. So I pull my foot back, the foot that is protected by nothing but pink canvas, and with all of my might, kick. Right into the wall of a dip of concrete.
So last night on my way home, I picked up some sauce, ricotta and a pan. Cuz I was going to make some motherfucking baked ziti. I seem to have endless boxes of ziti at home because every time I'm at the store I'm all, "Yo, I better stock up on some more ziti, right?" I freaking love the stuff.
I think I have a pinched nerve in my back. I think it's from holding onto a 65 lb. dog with his head out the window while whizzing over the Brooklyn Bridge yesterday.
I just heard this joke: What do you call 25 guys watching the World Series in a bar?
Man. I'll tell ya, this business is tough.
Yes, a "Fire Trim" is manscaping with a lighter.
Me: "So, I'm scheduled to take the Notary class next Friday."
Hey guys, listen, I know you are new to the New York, but here's a tip- after it's been raining all night do not walk on the car side of the street. You will get splashed; it's not just something that happens in Wisk commercials. Granted, it amuses us old-timers to no end, but this morning I actually felt a little bad for this well dressed couple that got doused on Madison Ave. That's why I don't walk near the street or dress well.
I was reminded of an awesome sketch this weekend from our friends, Kids in the Hall.
If there ever was an invention that needed to happen this would be it. Finally.
I am a member of some unions, and I think striking is a good idea, as the WGA is doing today. But when you strike, don't you just not do the work and that's how the companies suffer? Why the outside mandatory marching? It's not like the TV shows can hire scab writers for major primetime shows. Can you imagine that? If that were the case, 24 might not suck this year.
What a weekend!
Psychic moment of the day yesterday:
Gather 'round kids, and listen to a story about menstruation in the days of yore.
I'll be leaving work a tad early today because a. I've been feeling a bit sick and b. I have to be somewhere at 7:00 tonight and I want to have time to get ready/walk the dog/take a nap. Okay, and I want to play a little well deserved hookey.
Bosslady: I have got to stop cursing in front of my kids.
So earlier today, on my way to hang out with Davey Jones at the Peninsula Hotel, I ran into Dr. Phil in the lobby.
A co-worker of mine recently commented on his new beard. He asked me what I thought. I told him about my theory- when a man hits around early thirty, he generally grows a beard, at least for a little while. Sometimes it lasts, sometimes not. Sometimes he doesn't grow one at all and that is fine in my book. He says it's because he just broke up with his long-term/long-distance girlfriend and the beard symbolizes his freedom. I guess that makes sense because many women do the same with leg hair.